Because it's stigmatized, and needs to not be.
Because it's real.
Because it's ignored.
Because I've been there.
Because it's scary when you don't understand it.
Because it's much less scary when you do.
Because it can be life-threatening.
Because I wish I'd known more about it when I was younger.
Because I wish my family had known more.
Because there are people spreading unhelpful, sometimes harmful information on the internet and I want to combat it.
Because other people being vulnerable online has helped me and been immensely comforting.
Because everyone deals with it, whether they like it or not.
Because people hate it.
Because it is at the root of many people's disdain and sometimes hatred of life.
Because emotions are part of being a living human.
Because our culture seems to actively have a problem with that.
Because emotions that are stuffed away NEVER EVER REALLY DISAPPEAR. EVER. Ever. They just create very ugly problems down the road.
Because if my writing about it helps someone get the help they need, it's seriously so worth it.
Because the system is f**ked up and I have something to say.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Mentally Healthy and Inspiring Social Media Roundup!
Social media! Let's use this giant in a healthy way to inspire us and boost us up. Here's what I've been loving lately:
Lizzie Velasquez on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/lizzitachickita
Lizzie is an amazing woman and an excellent speaker. I've used her Ted Talks in groups with teenagers and always got a positive response from them. She has a rare medical condition and she talks about the ways she's overcome the barriers it's presented. She's just basically awesome and really, really inspiring.
Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend - TED talk -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU
This is a spunky gal who presents an alternative way to look at your stress. Definitely worth a watch!
Healthy is the New Skinny on Instagram @healthyisthenewskinny
Katie Willcox is a body image advocate and runs a modeling company that focuses on using healthy models with bodies that are more typical of everyday women. She writes some pretty awesome posts and some cute pictures that help you remember that YOU are the norm! The business side is promoted pretty often but I like what they are about.
Masumi Goldman on Instagram @masumi_g
Masumi is a yoga mom dealing with chronic Lyme disease, and a co-founder of Two Fit Moms. What I like about her posts is they are often about real emotions, acceptance, and finding peace with what you have and where you are at.
Victoria Emanuela on Instagram @victoria.emanuela
This girl is a powerhouse of mental health advocacy. She talks openly about her past traumas, her bad days of depression and flashbacks, how she gets through them, and celebrating the good days. She usually writes beautiful, encouraging posts and talks about a lot of the realities of mental health. Really cool account.
How Your Brain Can Turn Anxiety Into Calmness by University of California Television on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYJdekjiAog
Interesting speech about reframing your anxiety. Not gonna lie, this is one that I've listened to while laying in bed trying to sleep (and it's worked!). It has great information, though, and he even does an exercise to help calm yourself almost instantly.
StyleLikeU on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/stylelikeu
I LOVE what these women do. They invite really interesting people to come and share their very real life stories - some heartbreaking, all inspiring. It's a case of putting the resilience and rawness of humanity on display. It has really helped me put some of my own issues in perspective, and see them in a little bit different light. Be aware that the language and topics are not censored. Love love love this channel.
The Highly Sensitive Person Podcast -- http://highlysensitiveperson.net/hsppodcast/
Have you ever heard the term "Highly Sensitive Person" or HSP? If not, it's worth checking out. It was really validating and helpful to me to be able to frame my personality in this manner. These podcasts are by a gal named Kelly who is an HSP person. They are short and sweet, and full of helpful thoughts and tips for dealing with your emotions!
What other mental health-friendly accounts are out there? I'm always on the lookout. Feel free to share any ideas in the comments!
Lizzie Velasquez on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/lizzitachickita
Lizzie is an amazing woman and an excellent speaker. I've used her Ted Talks in groups with teenagers and always got a positive response from them. She has a rare medical condition and she talks about the ways she's overcome the barriers it's presented. She's just basically awesome and really, really inspiring.
Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend - TED talk -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU
This is a spunky gal who presents an alternative way to look at your stress. Definitely worth a watch!
Healthy is the New Skinny on Instagram @healthyisthenewskinny
Katie Willcox is a body image advocate and runs a modeling company that focuses on using healthy models with bodies that are more typical of everyday women. She writes some pretty awesome posts and some cute pictures that help you remember that YOU are the norm! The business side is promoted pretty often but I like what they are about.
Masumi Goldman on Instagram @masumi_g
Masumi is a yoga mom dealing with chronic Lyme disease, and a co-founder of Two Fit Moms. What I like about her posts is they are often about real emotions, acceptance, and finding peace with what you have and where you are at.
Victoria Emanuela on Instagram @victoria.emanuela
This girl is a powerhouse of mental health advocacy. She talks openly about her past traumas, her bad days of depression and flashbacks, how she gets through them, and celebrating the good days. She usually writes beautiful, encouraging posts and talks about a lot of the realities of mental health. Really cool account.
How Your Brain Can Turn Anxiety Into Calmness by University of California Television on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYJdekjiAog
Interesting speech about reframing your anxiety. Not gonna lie, this is one that I've listened to while laying in bed trying to sleep (and it's worked!). It has great information, though, and he even does an exercise to help calm yourself almost instantly.
StyleLikeU on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/stylelikeu
I LOVE what these women do. They invite really interesting people to come and share their very real life stories - some heartbreaking, all inspiring. It's a case of putting the resilience and rawness of humanity on display. It has really helped me put some of my own issues in perspective, and see them in a little bit different light. Be aware that the language and topics are not censored. Love love love this channel.
The Highly Sensitive Person Podcast -- http://highlysensitiveperson.net/hsppodcast/
Have you ever heard the term "Highly Sensitive Person" or HSP? If not, it's worth checking out. It was really validating and helpful to me to be able to frame my personality in this manner. These podcasts are by a gal named Kelly who is an HSP person. They are short and sweet, and full of helpful thoughts and tips for dealing with your emotions!
What other mental health-friendly accounts are out there? I'm always on the lookout. Feel free to share any ideas in the comments!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Bad Day
The past few days/weeks have been on the tough side for me. Today the weather was grey, grey, grey. Dark and thick and grey, which did not help the situation.
I have to admit my nasty thoughts and emotions have gotten the better of me today. Feeling like a loser, and that all the things I hope for are never going to happen. Never going to buy a house. Never going to find a job I really like. That my ideas for this blog are too stupid to even try. Always going to have health issues and depression. Never going to have a good marriage or children. Writing it now and looking at it, I can see how dramatic and ridiculous it sounds, but it has felt real nonetheless.
In the past, a day like this would put me out for a week or more. I would have been on the couch for at least a few days and stuck in the negative thinking pattern for much longer, believing most of it. I would be draining my friends and family then beating myself up and feeling guilty about it. I would start to believe that I am too much work as a person, that people don't want to be around me and I don't deserve to be loved. It would be too overwhelming to talk to anyone or try to make myself do anything, which would add to those feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Now, I have a little bit more perspective. I have a faint notion in the back of my mind that remembers that what I'm thinking/feeling may not be actual reality. It's wayyy back there though, deep in that pile of dark thoughts. I stay in bed for a while, finally cry a little and let some of it go. I write about how I'm feeling and that lets another bit of it out, too.
Writing has helped the most today. Sometimes once I see my thoughts on paper I can make more sense of them, rather than just having them swirl around in a dark haze in my brain.
Once I am able to have some recognition of what's going on, I go just a little easier on myself. I gave myself permission to feel depressed tonight. Not all the time, but at least just tonight. I gave myself permission to hole up for the night and not even brush my teeth (which I hate doing on any day, to be honest). I will let today be today without trying to make it something it's not, and hold onto hope that tomorrow will be better.
I have to admit my nasty thoughts and emotions have gotten the better of me today. Feeling like a loser, and that all the things I hope for are never going to happen. Never going to buy a house. Never going to find a job I really like. That my ideas for this blog are too stupid to even try. Always going to have health issues and depression. Never going to have a good marriage or children. Writing it now and looking at it, I can see how dramatic and ridiculous it sounds, but it has felt real nonetheless.
In the past, a day like this would put me out for a week or more. I would have been on the couch for at least a few days and stuck in the negative thinking pattern for much longer, believing most of it. I would be draining my friends and family then beating myself up and feeling guilty about it. I would start to believe that I am too much work as a person, that people don't want to be around me and I don't deserve to be loved. It would be too overwhelming to talk to anyone or try to make myself do anything, which would add to those feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Now, I have a little bit more perspective. I have a faint notion in the back of my mind that remembers that what I'm thinking/feeling may not be actual reality. It's wayyy back there though, deep in that pile of dark thoughts. I stay in bed for a while, finally cry a little and let some of it go. I write about how I'm feeling and that lets another bit of it out, too.
Writing has helped the most today. Sometimes once I see my thoughts on paper I can make more sense of them, rather than just having them swirl around in a dark haze in my brain.
Once I am able to have some recognition of what's going on, I go just a little easier on myself. I gave myself permission to feel depressed tonight. Not all the time, but at least just tonight. I gave myself permission to hole up for the night and not even brush my teeth (which I hate doing on any day, to be honest). I will let today be today without trying to make it something it's not, and hold onto hope that tomorrow will be better.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Dealing with Anxiety and Stress (part 3): Knowing Your Triggers
Understand your triggers for your anxiety.
Have you heard of a trigger? Yeah, like on a gun, you say. In the mental health word, triggers are events, situations, memories, thoughts, people, places, etc. that bring out emotions in us. They are the kickoff point of our emotional state, sometimes for anxiety. Most of the time we focus on the triggers that bring out emotions that we don't like or we have a hard time with (anxiety, depression, etc.), but there are also triggers for positive feelings. Everybody's are different.
When I was teaching this concept to kids I worked with, one came up with a great example. One person sees a dog. They have been bitten in the past, or they are allergic, so seeing the dog makes them scared or upset. For them, the dog was a trigger for negative feelings of fear. Another person sees the dog. They love dogs, and they run up to it and snuggle and are happy. For them, the dog was a trigger for feelings of joy.
A lot of us have triggers that are similar, especially for everyday kinds of situations - tests, traffic, work, social situations - and are a little more on the obvious side. For other people, who have experienced trauma or other really hard things, the triggers won't always make sense, even to themselves. If a person was abused by their mother when they were very young, they may be at work or school and find themselves becoming 'overly' upset when they are around a certain woman. They don't know why, there's nothing blatantly wrong with the woman, she's nice enough, but being around the woman makes the person really angry and insecure. It's possible that the woman at work has similar mannerisms, hair, or a personality to the person's abusive mother that the person doesn't fully realize. The woman at work becomes a trigger for feelings of anger and insecurity, whether or not it's recognized.
You can see where if this person doesn't recognize that the woman is a trigger for them, it's going to cause problems. The person might become extremely rude to the woman, or be unable to complete jobs because they are so upset. They might have clashes and the person might have trouble controlling themselves at work.
That's why it's SO IMPORTANT to understand the kinds of things that make you feel anxious! It's so important to know your own triggers for anxiety so that you can AVOID or PREPARE for them!! Knowing WHY your triggers make you anxious can also really help, so it's best if you can dig down a little and figure out why you're so anxious about it. (If you do this, sometimes old, old issues pop up and surprise you. It's helpful to find the root cause with a therapist.)
To get started, I made a list of common stressors (it's geared toward teenagers, but I think can apply to everybody). Read through the list and use the information from the last anxiety post - PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY WHEN READING THIS LIST! Some triggers might prompt an immediate physical response, which will help you recognize both your triggers and your body's signals of anxiety.
After each trigger you see that is true for you, think for just a second about WHY this gives you anxiety, i.e. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m dumb, I’m afraid I’ll mess up, etc.
Home:
Home environment
Neighborhood
Food
Your role in the family
Problems with parents
Problems with spouse/partner
Expectations
Money
Why are they triggers?
School:
Exams
Friends
Being around other people
Teachers
Assignments
Public speaking
Projects
Bullies
Peer pressure
Grades
College
Money
What's happening in your body?
Work:
Boss
Coworkers
Pressure to make no mistakes
Hours
Job duties
Customers
Why are they triggers?
Family:
Parents
Siblings
Other relatives
What's happening in your body?
General personal triggers:
Mental health concerns
Sleep
Personal judgments
Personal expectations
What others might think of you
What you think of yourself
Feeling like you’re not good enough
Feelings
Weight
Health problems
What's happening in your body?
What body signals did you have? What issues caused you the most stress to think about? Do you have other triggers that are not on the list?
Again, it's super important that we recognize our triggers so we can AVOID them or PREPARE for them. Some things we just cannot avoid, so we have to come up with a plan and some coping skills that are ready to go when we face our triggers.
A simple example is me at my new job. I found that I was uncomfortably anxious just being at work. My face always was red and felt like it was going to pop. I had a constant stomachache and was getting headaches all the time. I didn't know the people, I didn't know how to do the work. I was anxious because I did not want to make a mistake, and I did not want people to be mad at me. I prepared a few different ways to cope - I identified people that I was more comfortable with and reminded myself I would be working with them. I planned to stick a little close to them when I could. I hate making mistakes. I bought a tiny notebook and wrote down everything I learned from my mistakes. I tallied the numbers of patient interactions that went smoothly. I wear rings to work to give my hands something to do when I'm stressed instead of picking my fingers to a nub. I go to the bathroom when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I tell myself I'm doing my best, and that people being mad at me does not affect my worth as a person. I've done a few more things, but I think you get the idea!
It helps. Some tactics work better than others. I still feel anxious and stressed and overwhelmed almost every shift. But I know that work is a huge trigger and I mostly know why. So I have prepared, so I KNOW that the anxiety is not going to control me. We duke it out, me and anxiety, but I always win :)
Go through the list again, write down your 3 biggest triggers and why, and for each come up with a small strategy to try when you have to face that trigger.
Does your mom always call and chew you out for stuff and it makes you stressed? Plan to think of a fun trip or doodle next time she calls. Plan how you are going to react (in a way that won't make you feel guilty afterward...).
Going to a party and you have social anxiety? Give yourself an "out" or a time limit. Think about the people there that you like and are more comfortable with. Plan to find the bathroom as soon as you get there so you have a place to hide if needed.
Not everything you try is going to help, but some of it will. You may even find that the situation wasn't as bad as you expected and you didn't even need to use the plan!
If you want to read part one or two of the anxiety posts, here they are:
Part 1: Dealing with Anxiety (Without Medication)
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/managing-anxiety.html
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Have you heard of a trigger? Yeah, like on a gun, you say. In the mental health word, triggers are events, situations, memories, thoughts, people, places, etc. that bring out emotions in us. They are the kickoff point of our emotional state, sometimes for anxiety. Most of the time we focus on the triggers that bring out emotions that we don't like or we have a hard time with (anxiety, depression, etc.), but there are also triggers for positive feelings. Everybody's are different.
When I was teaching this concept to kids I worked with, one came up with a great example. One person sees a dog. They have been bitten in the past, or they are allergic, so seeing the dog makes them scared or upset. For them, the dog was a trigger for negative feelings of fear. Another person sees the dog. They love dogs, and they run up to it and snuggle and are happy. For them, the dog was a trigger for feelings of joy.
A lot of us have triggers that are similar, especially for everyday kinds of situations - tests, traffic, work, social situations - and are a little more on the obvious side. For other people, who have experienced trauma or other really hard things, the triggers won't always make sense, even to themselves. If a person was abused by their mother when they were very young, they may be at work or school and find themselves becoming 'overly' upset when they are around a certain woman. They don't know why, there's nothing blatantly wrong with the woman, she's nice enough, but being around the woman makes the person really angry and insecure. It's possible that the woman at work has similar mannerisms, hair, or a personality to the person's abusive mother that the person doesn't fully realize. The woman at work becomes a trigger for feelings of anger and insecurity, whether or not it's recognized.
You can see where if this person doesn't recognize that the woman is a trigger for them, it's going to cause problems. The person might become extremely rude to the woman, or be unable to complete jobs because they are so upset. They might have clashes and the person might have trouble controlling themselves at work.
That's why it's SO IMPORTANT to understand the kinds of things that make you feel anxious! It's so important to know your own triggers for anxiety so that you can AVOID or PREPARE for them!! Knowing WHY your triggers make you anxious can also really help, so it's best if you can dig down a little and figure out why you're so anxious about it. (If you do this, sometimes old, old issues pop up and surprise you. It's helpful to find the root cause with a therapist.)
To get started, I made a list of common stressors (it's geared toward teenagers, but I think can apply to everybody). Read through the list and use the information from the last anxiety post - PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY WHEN READING THIS LIST! Some triggers might prompt an immediate physical response, which will help you recognize both your triggers and your body's signals of anxiety.
After each trigger you see that is true for you, think for just a second about WHY this gives you anxiety, i.e. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m dumb, I’m afraid I’ll mess up, etc.
Home:
Home environment
Neighborhood
Food
Your role in the family
Problems with parents
Problems with spouse/partner
Expectations
Money
Why are they triggers?
School:
Exams
Friends
Being around other people
Teachers
Assignments
Public speaking
Projects
Bullies
Peer pressure
Grades
College
Money
What's happening in your body?
Work:
Boss
Coworkers
Pressure to make no mistakes
Hours
Job duties
Customers
Why are they triggers?
Family:
Parents
Siblings
Other relatives
What's happening in your body?
General personal triggers:
Mental health concerns
Sleep
Personal judgments
Personal expectations
What others might think of you
What you think of yourself
Feeling like you’re not good enough
Feelings
Weight
Health problems
What's happening in your body?
What body signals did you have? What issues caused you the most stress to think about? Do you have other triggers that are not on the list?
Again, it's super important that we recognize our triggers so we can AVOID them or PREPARE for them. Some things we just cannot avoid, so we have to come up with a plan and some coping skills that are ready to go when we face our triggers.
A simple example is me at my new job. I found that I was uncomfortably anxious just being at work. My face always was red and felt like it was going to pop. I had a constant stomachache and was getting headaches all the time. I didn't know the people, I didn't know how to do the work. I was anxious because I did not want to make a mistake, and I did not want people to be mad at me. I prepared a few different ways to cope - I identified people that I was more comfortable with and reminded myself I would be working with them. I planned to stick a little close to them when I could. I hate making mistakes. I bought a tiny notebook and wrote down everything I learned from my mistakes. I tallied the numbers of patient interactions that went smoothly. I wear rings to work to give my hands something to do when I'm stressed instead of picking my fingers to a nub. I go to the bathroom when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I tell myself I'm doing my best, and that people being mad at me does not affect my worth as a person. I've done a few more things, but I think you get the idea!
It helps. Some tactics work better than others. I still feel anxious and stressed and overwhelmed almost every shift. But I know that work is a huge trigger and I mostly know why. So I have prepared, so I KNOW that the anxiety is not going to control me. We duke it out, me and anxiety, but I always win :)
Go through the list again, write down your 3 biggest triggers and why, and for each come up with a small strategy to try when you have to face that trigger.
Does your mom always call and chew you out for stuff and it makes you stressed? Plan to think of a fun trip or doodle next time she calls. Plan how you are going to react (in a way that won't make you feel guilty afterward...).
Going to a party and you have social anxiety? Give yourself an "out" or a time limit. Think about the people there that you like and are more comfortable with. Plan to find the bathroom as soon as you get there so you have a place to hide if needed.
Not everything you try is going to help, but some of it will. You may even find that the situation wasn't as bad as you expected and you didn't even need to use the plan!
If you want to read part one or two of the anxiety posts, here they are:
Part 1: Dealing with Anxiety (Without Medication)
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/managing-anxiety.html
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Dealing with Anxiety and Stress (part 2): Body Signals
Recognize when you’re feeling anxious: SIGNALS
Sometimes it feels like all you're doing is sitting there, work, school, home, bumming around minding your own business, and then WHAM! You're stressed out, panicky, anxious. Or you lay down in bed and suddenly everything you've ever done wrong is hanging over you, weighing on you, suffocating you. This happened to me a lot when I was younger. It occasionally still catches me by surprise, especially lately since I started my new job.
The truth is, though, that intense anxiety hardly ever comes on suddenly. Little things build up, but we just don't notice. Our thoughts and bodies are connected, and if you pay attention you'll find that there are usually things leading up to the panic attack or the overwhelming anxiety.
For example, maybe you're at work and it's really busy. Your adrenaline is already going and your body is probably more tense than if it were slow. Then somebody snaps at you, or makes a critical comment about what you are doing. You have a thought, either "Oh man why can't I just do things right for once", or maybe "That guy is such a jerk, what did I do to deserve that??" You feel a pounding in your head and your face flush. You don't necessarily think these things consciously, but in the back of your mind these things register and start a pile. Then maybe you make a mistake on a project you're working on. You think "Oh my gosh I screwed that up, now what? Am I going to get in trouble? Am I going to be able to fix this?" Your stomach rolls and your back tenses. The mistake doesn't cause any immediate issue, so you relax a little, but the worry is still there, added to your subconscious anxiety pile. Then you remember you forgot your lunch this morning, or you can't forget to go to the store after work, or you promised a friend you would call them and you forgot last time so you absolutely have to remember now. It gets harder to breathe for a minute. Another few things are added to the anxiety pile. Now you're irritable, snapping at people - one wrong look from somebody and you're gonna lose it.
Since you're busy focusing on your work, you don't really notice these things building up. However, your body sure does! At some point it decides it can't take any more. You "snap", or you become buried in feelings of worry and panic, probably mixed in with self-doubt and -criticism.
When we don't pay attention to our bodies, it's easy to feel like we are hit with a load of bricks all at once, when in reality the anxiety pile has been growing little by little and we just don't notice until it finally crumbles into a meltdown.
Occasionally anxiety really can come on all of a sudden (for example, someone scares us, we realize we are late for an important appointment we forgot about), but usually it's because we don't know how to watch out for it or we are distracted and aren't paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and body.
I've noticed that one of my first signals of anxiety is my stomach hurting. When I realize I've made a mistake or something is "wrong", my stomach rolls and its feels like someone's reached into my gut, grabbed my stomach and is just squeezing it. At this point, I usually don't need to DO anything, but I know I better watch myself closely.
It's so important that we can pay attention to our bodies and get some of the stress out while it's still a little pile and we can manage it. Catch it early!! I would always make the teenagers I taught repeat that until they were annoyed (which didn't take long), but seriously, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Your body gives you signals about your emotions. Our bodies usually register that we're stressed sooner than our minds do.
This is a list of common body signals of anxiety. Any of them sound familiar?
How many of these do you have? Which ones happen the most often? What signals do you have that are not on the list? My most common are my stomach hurting, tense shoulders, picking fingers, racing thoughts, jaw clenching and jitters when I start getting out of control.
Sometimes it feels like all you're doing is sitting there, work, school, home, bumming around minding your own business, and then WHAM! You're stressed out, panicky, anxious. Or you lay down in bed and suddenly everything you've ever done wrong is hanging over you, weighing on you, suffocating you. This happened to me a lot when I was younger. It occasionally still catches me by surprise, especially lately since I started my new job.
The truth is, though, that intense anxiety hardly ever comes on suddenly. Little things build up, but we just don't notice. Our thoughts and bodies are connected, and if you pay attention you'll find that there are usually things leading up to the panic attack or the overwhelming anxiety.
For example, maybe you're at work and it's really busy. Your adrenaline is already going and your body is probably more tense than if it were slow. Then somebody snaps at you, or makes a critical comment about what you are doing. You have a thought, either "Oh man why can't I just do things right for once", or maybe "That guy is such a jerk, what did I do to deserve that??" You feel a pounding in your head and your face flush. You don't necessarily think these things consciously, but in the back of your mind these things register and start a pile. Then maybe you make a mistake on a project you're working on. You think "Oh my gosh I screwed that up, now what? Am I going to get in trouble? Am I going to be able to fix this?" Your stomach rolls and your back tenses. The mistake doesn't cause any immediate issue, so you relax a little, but the worry is still there, added to your subconscious anxiety pile. Then you remember you forgot your lunch this morning, or you can't forget to go to the store after work, or you promised a friend you would call them and you forgot last time so you absolutely have to remember now. It gets harder to breathe for a minute. Another few things are added to the anxiety pile. Now you're irritable, snapping at people - one wrong look from somebody and you're gonna lose it.
Since you're busy focusing on your work, you don't really notice these things building up. However, your body sure does! At some point it decides it can't take any more. You "snap", or you become buried in feelings of worry and panic, probably mixed in with self-doubt and -criticism.
When we don't pay attention to our bodies, it's easy to feel like we are hit with a load of bricks all at once, when in reality the anxiety pile has been growing little by little and we just don't notice until it finally crumbles into a meltdown.
Occasionally anxiety really can come on all of a sudden (for example, someone scares us, we realize we are late for an important appointment we forgot about), but usually it's because we don't know how to watch out for it or we are distracted and aren't paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and body.
I've noticed that one of my first signals of anxiety is my stomach hurting. When I realize I've made a mistake or something is "wrong", my stomach rolls and its feels like someone's reached into my gut, grabbed my stomach and is just squeezing it. At this point, I usually don't need to DO anything, but I know I better watch myself closely.
It's so important that we can pay attention to our bodies and get some of the stress out while it's still a little pile and we can manage it. Catch it early!! I would always make the teenagers I taught repeat that until they were annoyed (which didn't take long), but seriously, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Your body gives you signals about your emotions. Our bodies usually register that we're stressed sooner than our minds do.
This is a list of common body signals of anxiety. Any of them sound familiar?
Racing heart
Racing thoughts
Muscle tension in: shoulders, back, arms, neck, face
Jaw clenching
Picking fingers
Biting nails
Breathing hard
Breathing fast
Holding breath
Sweating
Sweaty hands
Jitters, shaking
Stomachache
Lump in the throat
How many of these do you have? Which ones happen the most often? What signals do you have that are not on the list? My most common are my stomach hurting, tense shoulders, picking fingers, racing thoughts, jaw clenching and jitters when I start getting out of control.
So you know what some of your body signals are, now what?
Notice them.
Notice them.
What's happening in your body right now?
***STOP AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY RIGHT NOW***
Any signals of anxiety? If so, counteract it.
Holding your breath? Take a deep breath in and out.
Tight shoulders? Stretch your arms up over your head and in front of you.
Heart pounding? Stand up and walk somewhere, the bathroom or something, and burn off a little of that anxious energy.
When we know our body signals, we can keep our anxiety piles smaller and under control. Now someone criticizes you, and you feel your head pounding and your face flush. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of letting it stay there in your pile, you, for example, take a deep breath and look at a picture of your dog on your desk or phone and are reminded that SOMEBODY believes in you ;) When you make a mistake, you freeze and feel your stomach roll. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of holding it in and letting it build up, this time you recognize it and let it out. You stand up and go to the bathroom to calm down, or vent to a coworker you know will understand. (I can't tell you how many times I go to the bathroom sometimes...it's usually not to pee tbh)
This isn't a cure-all, and it can take a little while to get the hang of paying attention to yourself. But it can really help you to CATCH IT EARLY!!! And keep it under control.
Again, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Go about your day and see if you can catch any of your body signals happening. Here's the list again:
***STOP AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY RIGHT NOW***
Any signals of anxiety? If so, counteract it.
Holding your breath? Take a deep breath in and out.
Tight shoulders? Stretch your arms up over your head and in front of you.
Heart pounding? Stand up and walk somewhere, the bathroom or something, and burn off a little of that anxious energy.
When we know our body signals, we can keep our anxiety piles smaller and under control. Now someone criticizes you, and you feel your head pounding and your face flush. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of letting it stay there in your pile, you, for example, take a deep breath and look at a picture of your dog on your desk or phone and are reminded that SOMEBODY believes in you ;) When you make a mistake, you freeze and feel your stomach roll. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of holding it in and letting it build up, this time you recognize it and let it out. You stand up and go to the bathroom to calm down, or vent to a coworker you know will understand. (I can't tell you how many times I go to the bathroom sometimes...it's usually not to pee tbh)
This isn't a cure-all, and it can take a little while to get the hang of paying attention to yourself. But it can really help you to CATCH IT EARLY!!! And keep it under control.
Again, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Go about your day and see if you can catch any of your body signals happening. Here's the list again:
Racing heart
Racing thoughts
Muscle tension in: shoulders, back, arms, neck, face
Jaw clenching
Picking fingers
Biting nails
Breathing hard
Breathing fast
Holding breath
Sweating
Sweaty hands
Jitters, shaking
Stomachache
Lump in the throat
If you missed the first part of this short series of posts, you can read it at http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/managing-anxiety.html
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Why Your Mental Health Worker Might Be Burned Out
RANT POST!
Let me tell you a story about one reason your social worker/therapist/other mental health professional might be burned out.
I talk to a lot of people who have a lot of problems. Today I am going to generalize "people with problems" into two groups, and it's like this: 1) Some people have problems that are sad, hard things to deal with that I know I would struggle with too if it were me. 2) Some people have problems that are so heinous and unfair they actually make my stomach turn. All problems are real to the person, now matter how "big" or "small", and I 100% appreciate and understand that.
Sometimes, I can tell that someone in the first category is really struggling. The problem is real, no doubt about that. This person, however, has the means to get themselves better. They have insurance, a support system, some level of education, etc. They could just use someone to go to bat for them a little and they would have access to the help they want. I will be that person! That is my job! So I go to bat for them. The doctors question me, the psychiatrist questions me, the nurses question me, (and occasionally go from questioning to mean), my coworkers usually get it (which is a luxury), but generally, it's uncomfortable to advocate. You get a lot of people who talk to you like you're stupid. However, the other professionals will usually go along with my request because they trust me. So I put my heart and name on the line, advocate successfully, and I excitedly go to tell the patient that the help they requested is going to be granted to them. I open the door and tell them the good news!
They ignore me and stare at their phone. Then say something like, "How long is this going to take? I don't want to sit here for another f***ing hour. I need a soda or something." Then they look up at me, disgusted. "Can I just get a f***ing soda??"
I stare at them for a second. I answer their questions bluntly and run out of the room before I scream. Seriously.......?? Do they even care that I went out of my way for them? Are they going to act like this during their treatment and embarrass me for helping them? Why should I keep doing this for people if it's just going to keep getting thrown in my face? As I walk away I remind myself that they are not stable, they may not realize how they sound, they are stressed and tired, and this is the career path I chose. But like any human, it makes me feel angry and offended.
Let's talk about my second group of people. Some people come in, needing help, asking for help, desperate. They have battled and overcome barriers I can't even imagine facing. They are unstable and can't process information well, and it's a miracle they made it to the hospital at all. They have virtually no one in their support system, and have burned out most people who have tried -- not because they are mean, but because they function at the level of a small child and are emotionally draining to deal with. These people need a lot of help and they want it. But because of laws, policies, limitations of my own job and the broken, dysfunctional, ancient machine that is our mental health system, there's nothing I can do. Almost literally nothing.
I listen as compassionately as I can and compliment them. Then I say "Here, try these places" and hand them a list of phone numbers to places that can genuinely help them, knowing that they will probably never be able to make the call themselves. It's the middle of the night, so I can't make phone calls for them, plus I have 3 more patients to see ASAP, and the agencies that treat people with no insurance are already overworked and overwhelmed. I do everything I know how to do, but it's the worst feeling. These people almost literally need someone to take them by the hand, but they have very little chance of ever, ever finding that person, and I can't help them.
I know that everyone's problems are real, personal, and important. I will never diminish that. But some days it's really hard to feel for the first group of people who act rude, because you see the other end of the spectrum just as often -- the kind-hearted people with monstrous issues who really need treatment but just can't get it. Some days it's really hard to not feel frustrated, depressed and a little jaded.
(Don't get me wrong -- there are a number of people in the middle who genuinely are thankful and appreciative that they can get help. These people are an absolute treat and delight to work with, since they are the most rare and the most rewarding. Even the people who are unpleasant but invested are nice to work with.)
How do I let all the shit roll off me without becoming callous? How do I come to terms with the fact that much of the time I make very little actual difference in my job? And most of all, how do I keep MYSELF from going CRAZY?? (Just kidding. I actually kind of know how to do that one.)
I don't know. I don't know what to say about all that.
Therefore, in conclusion, it's at least nice to have that off my chest. Have I mentioned that rant-writing is an excellent coping skill? :) If anyone out there has similar frustrations or something to add, please feel free to comment.
Let me tell you a story about one reason your social worker/therapist/other mental health professional might be burned out.
I talk to a lot of people who have a lot of problems. Today I am going to generalize "people with problems" into two groups, and it's like this: 1) Some people have problems that are sad, hard things to deal with that I know I would struggle with too if it were me. 2) Some people have problems that are so heinous and unfair they actually make my stomach turn. All problems are real to the person, now matter how "big" or "small", and I 100% appreciate and understand that.
Sometimes, I can tell that someone in the first category is really struggling. The problem is real, no doubt about that. This person, however, has the means to get themselves better. They have insurance, a support system, some level of education, etc. They could just use someone to go to bat for them a little and they would have access to the help they want. I will be that person! That is my job! So I go to bat for them. The doctors question me, the psychiatrist questions me, the nurses question me, (and occasionally go from questioning to mean), my coworkers usually get it (which is a luxury), but generally, it's uncomfortable to advocate. You get a lot of people who talk to you like you're stupid. However, the other professionals will usually go along with my request because they trust me. So I put my heart and name on the line, advocate successfully, and I excitedly go to tell the patient that the help they requested is going to be granted to them. I open the door and tell them the good news!
They ignore me and stare at their phone. Then say something like, "How long is this going to take? I don't want to sit here for another f***ing hour. I need a soda or something." Then they look up at me, disgusted. "Can I just get a f***ing soda??"
I stare at them for a second. I answer their questions bluntly and run out of the room before I scream. Seriously.......?? Do they even care that I went out of my way for them? Are they going to act like this during their treatment and embarrass me for helping them? Why should I keep doing this for people if it's just going to keep getting thrown in my face? As I walk away I remind myself that they are not stable, they may not realize how they sound, they are stressed and tired, and this is the career path I chose. But like any human, it makes me feel angry and offended.
Let's talk about my second group of people. Some people come in, needing help, asking for help, desperate. They have battled and overcome barriers I can't even imagine facing. They are unstable and can't process information well, and it's a miracle they made it to the hospital at all. They have virtually no one in their support system, and have burned out most people who have tried -- not because they are mean, but because they function at the level of a small child and are emotionally draining to deal with. These people need a lot of help and they want it. But because of laws, policies, limitations of my own job and the broken, dysfunctional, ancient machine that is our mental health system, there's nothing I can do. Almost literally nothing.
I listen as compassionately as I can and compliment them. Then I say "Here, try these places" and hand them a list of phone numbers to places that can genuinely help them, knowing that they will probably never be able to make the call themselves. It's the middle of the night, so I can't make phone calls for them, plus I have 3 more patients to see ASAP, and the agencies that treat people with no insurance are already overworked and overwhelmed. I do everything I know how to do, but it's the worst feeling. These people almost literally need someone to take them by the hand, but they have very little chance of ever, ever finding that person, and I can't help them.
I know that everyone's problems are real, personal, and important. I will never diminish that. But some days it's really hard to feel for the first group of people who act rude, because you see the other end of the spectrum just as often -- the kind-hearted people with monstrous issues who really need treatment but just can't get it. Some days it's really hard to not feel frustrated, depressed and a little jaded.
(Don't get me wrong -- there are a number of people in the middle who genuinely are thankful and appreciative that they can get help. These people are an absolute treat and delight to work with, since they are the most rare and the most rewarding. Even the people who are unpleasant but invested are nice to work with.)
How do I let all the shit roll off me without becoming callous? How do I come to terms with the fact that much of the time I make very little actual difference in my job? And most of all, how do I keep MYSELF from going CRAZY?? (Just kidding. I actually kind of know how to do that one.)
I don't know. I don't know what to say about all that.
Therefore, in conclusion, it's at least nice to have that off my chest. Have I mentioned that rant-writing is an excellent coping skill? :) If anyone out there has similar frustrations or something to add, please feel free to comment.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Dealing with Anxiety (Without Medication)
I have struggled virtually my whole life with anxiety. Social anxiety, constant low-grade worry, constant high-grade worry, panic attacks, you name it.
When I was a teenager, I felt anxious all the time and had frequent bouts of depression. There were things happening in my family that were really hard for me to handle, and I literally felt like there was NO one I could talk to about it. Combine that with typical teenage angst and a natural inclination toward being serious and sensitive - I struggled. It would have been so nice to have just a little information about what I was feeling and going through. I did not have words to explain how I was feeling, and I really didn't know what to do or know that there was help available. It wasn't until college where I began to study social work and mental health that I realized what was happening, and maybe it didn't HAVE to be that way. Even today I am still learning and have times where I let it get the best of me. Not to mention the mental health system has so many gaps and barriers and it can be really difficult to get help, even for people who have the time and money. Even online, some of the information can be scattered, confusing, and even harmful.
Because of this, I'm going to add my two cents and put out a small series of posts about anxiety, what it is, and ways to manage it - starting with this one! This is information that I wish I'd had 10 years ago and hopefully someone will find it useful. All the information and tips I am going to share have been tested by yours truly and have been helpful to me!
First of all...
What even is anxiety?
Anxiety is a type of fear. Anxiety doesn’t need a stimulus, and can happen for long periods of time.
This is a definition I like (from The Free Dictionary by Farlex):
anxiety
a. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
Just to get a clearer picture, here are other words for “anxious” or “anxiety”:
Nervous, worried, stressed, stressed out, fear, apprehensive, uneasy, panicky.
I like the definition for a few different reasons. “Apprehension”, “uncertainty” and “fear” are three great synonyms for anxiety. My favorite part, however, is “from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation.” Sometimes we have anxiety over something real, like a new job, a big test, a date. It is totally normal to feel upset about an upcoming change or big event.
BUT, for those of us who are chronic and have trouble taking care of our anxiety, many of our worries are fantasized! For example, I have laid awake many a night imagining things like: “I can't believe I said that – now they are going to talk about me to everyone else/ice me out/hate me/what am I going to say to them/how am I going to handle this/etc.” Hours and hours worth of worries, lying awake, staring at the ceiling. I have replayed an apology in my mind a hundred times, down to the inflection in my voice and matching facial expressions. The next day, I would approach the person I had said the heinous words to and execute my finely practiced apology. They would look at me and say, “I don't even remember that.” I can't tell you how many times I have gotten that response. What a waste of time and energy all the worrying had been! This is just one example of the fantasized worries that I have let torture me through the years.
Anxiety sometimes comes before anger and sadness. It can be called a “gateway emotion”. If our anxiety gets too high, we can have panic attacks, aggression, depression, meltdowns, self-harming behaviors. Catch it in the early stages our stage of emotions, we can avoid a lot of drama and pain. You can’t always make it go away completely, but you CAN always learn about it and learn ways to manage it.
What causes chronic anxiety?
Causes of long term anxiety can include normal, human fears taken a couple steps further, like fears of failure, rejection, danger, pain (emotional or physical), not having control, or not knowing what’s going to happen.
When it never stops and starts becoming a problem (like mine), it can come from a few different things:
I believe my anxiety comes from a mixture of family history, habits, personality/fear of rejection, and health issues.
Go ahead and look at the list again. How many of the things in the list cause your anxiety? Are there any others that I didn't write?
Think about it. Was your mom anxious about things growing up? Do your siblings have anxiety too? Why or why not? What big events (or collection of small ones) happened in your life that impacted the way you look at the world? Do you have any health problems that could contribute to your anxiety? Is the fear of failure something that shows up in different parts of your life? Write it down in a journal or notebook. Anxiety doesn't come from nowhere (even though that's how it may feel and how others may have made you feel!).
I'll be writing more about anxiety and personal triggers, recognizing it in your body, coping tips and probably a lot more. Hope it's helpful and thanks for stopping by the blog!
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Part 3: Triggers
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/dealing-with-anxiety-and-stress-part-3.html
When I was a teenager, I felt anxious all the time and had frequent bouts of depression. There were things happening in my family that were really hard for me to handle, and I literally felt like there was NO one I could talk to about it. Combine that with typical teenage angst and a natural inclination toward being serious and sensitive - I struggled. It would have been so nice to have just a little information about what I was feeling and going through. I did not have words to explain how I was feeling, and I really didn't know what to do or know that there was help available. It wasn't until college where I began to study social work and mental health that I realized what was happening, and maybe it didn't HAVE to be that way. Even today I am still learning and have times where I let it get the best of me. Not to mention the mental health system has so many gaps and barriers and it can be really difficult to get help, even for people who have the time and money. Even online, some of the information can be scattered, confusing, and even harmful.
Because of this, I'm going to add my two cents and put out a small series of posts about anxiety, what it is, and ways to manage it - starting with this one! This is information that I wish I'd had 10 years ago and hopefully someone will find it useful. All the information and tips I am going to share have been tested by yours truly and have been helpful to me!
First of all...
What even is anxiety?
Anxiety is a type of fear. Anxiety doesn’t need a stimulus, and can happen for long periods of time.
This is a definition I like (from The Free Dictionary by Farlex):
anxiety
a. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
Just to get a clearer picture, here are other words for “anxious” or “anxiety”:
Nervous, worried, stressed, stressed out, fear, apprehensive, uneasy, panicky.
I like the definition for a few different reasons. “Apprehension”, “uncertainty” and “fear” are three great synonyms for anxiety. My favorite part, however, is “from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation.” Sometimes we have anxiety over something real, like a new job, a big test, a date. It is totally normal to feel upset about an upcoming change or big event.
BUT, for those of us who are chronic and have trouble taking care of our anxiety, many of our worries are fantasized! For example, I have laid awake many a night imagining things like: “I can't believe I said that – now they are going to talk about me to everyone else/ice me out/hate me/what am I going to say to them/how am I going to handle this/etc.” Hours and hours worth of worries, lying awake, staring at the ceiling. I have replayed an apology in my mind a hundred times, down to the inflection in my voice and matching facial expressions. The next day, I would approach the person I had said the heinous words to and execute my finely practiced apology. They would look at me and say, “I don't even remember that.” I can't tell you how many times I have gotten that response. What a waste of time and energy all the worrying had been! This is just one example of the fantasized worries that I have let torture me through the years.
Anxiety sometimes comes before anger and sadness. It can be called a “gateway emotion”. If our anxiety gets too high, we can have panic attacks, aggression, depression, meltdowns, self-harming behaviors. Catch it in the early stages our stage of emotions, we can avoid a lot of drama and pain. You can’t always make it go away completely, but you CAN always learn about it and learn ways to manage it.
What causes chronic anxiety?
Causes of long term anxiety can include normal, human fears taken a couple steps further, like fears of failure, rejection, danger, pain (emotional or physical), not having control, or not knowing what’s going to happen.
When it never stops and starts becoming a problem (like mine), it can come from a few different things:
- Brain chemistry
- Health problems
- Family history of anxiety or other mental heath issues
- Picking up habits from our parents/family of origin or others close to us
- Our personality
- Impactful / traumatic life events OR
I believe my anxiety comes from a mixture of family history, habits, personality/fear of rejection, and health issues.
Go ahead and look at the list again. How many of the things in the list cause your anxiety? Are there any others that I didn't write?
Think about it. Was your mom anxious about things growing up? Do your siblings have anxiety too? Why or why not? What big events (or collection of small ones) happened in your life that impacted the way you look at the world? Do you have any health problems that could contribute to your anxiety? Is the fear of failure something that shows up in different parts of your life? Write it down in a journal or notebook. Anxiety doesn't come from nowhere (even though that's how it may feel and how others may have made you feel!).
I'll be writing more about anxiety and personal triggers, recognizing it in your body, coping tips and probably a lot more. Hope it's helpful and thanks for stopping by the blog!
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Part 3: Triggers
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/dealing-with-anxiety-and-stress-part-3.html
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