When I was a teenager, I felt anxious all the time and had frequent bouts of depression. There were things happening in my family that were really hard for me to handle, and I literally felt like there was NO one I could talk to about it. Combine that with typical teenage angst and a natural inclination toward being serious and sensitive - I struggled. It would have been so nice to have just a little information about what I was feeling and going through. I did not have words to explain how I was feeling, and I really didn't know what to do or know that there was help available. It wasn't until college where I began to study social work and mental health that I realized what was happening, and maybe it didn't HAVE to be that way. Even today I am still learning and have times where I let it get the best of me. Not to mention the mental health system has so many gaps and barriers and it can be really difficult to get help, even for people who have the time and money. Even online, some of the information can be scattered, confusing, and even harmful.
Because of this, I'm going to add my two cents and put out a small series of posts about anxiety, what it is, and ways to manage it - starting with this one! This is information that I wish I'd had 10 years ago and hopefully someone will find it useful. All the information and tips I am going to share have been tested by yours truly and have been helpful to me!
First of all...
What even is anxiety?
Anxiety is a type of fear. Anxiety doesn’t need a stimulus, and can happen for long periods of time.
This is a definition I like (from The Free Dictionary by Farlex):
anxiety
a. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
Just to get a clearer picture, here are other words for “anxious” or “anxiety”:
Nervous, worried, stressed, stressed out, fear, apprehensive, uneasy, panicky.
I like the definition for a few different reasons. “Apprehension”, “uncertainty” and “fear” are three great synonyms for anxiety. My favorite part, however, is “from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation.” Sometimes we have anxiety over something real, like a new job, a big test, a date. It is totally normal to feel upset about an upcoming change or big event.
BUT, for those of us who are chronic and have trouble taking care of our anxiety, many of our worries are fantasized! For example, I have laid awake many a night imagining things like: “I can't believe I said that – now they are going to talk about me to everyone else/ice me out/hate me/what am I going to say to them/how am I going to handle this/etc.” Hours and hours worth of worries, lying awake, staring at the ceiling. I have replayed an apology in my mind a hundred times, down to the inflection in my voice and matching facial expressions. The next day, I would approach the person I had said the heinous words to and execute my finely practiced apology. They would look at me and say, “I don't even remember that.” I can't tell you how many times I have gotten that response. What a waste of time and energy all the worrying had been! This is just one example of the fantasized worries that I have let torture me through the years.
Anxiety sometimes comes before anger and sadness. It can be called a “gateway emotion”. If our anxiety gets too high, we can have panic attacks, aggression, depression, meltdowns, self-harming behaviors. Catch it in the early stages our stage of emotions, we can avoid a lot of drama and pain. You can’t always make it go away completely, but you CAN always learn about it and learn ways to manage it.
What causes chronic anxiety?
Causes of long term anxiety can include normal, human fears taken a couple steps further, like fears of failure, rejection, danger, pain (emotional or physical), not having control, or not knowing what’s going to happen.
When it never stops and starts becoming a problem (like mine), it can come from a few different things:
- Brain chemistry
- Health problems
- Family history of anxiety or other mental heath issues
- Picking up habits from our parents/family of origin or others close to us
- Our personality
- Impactful / traumatic life events OR
I believe my anxiety comes from a mixture of family history, habits, personality/fear of rejection, and health issues.
Go ahead and look at the list again. How many of the things in the list cause your anxiety? Are there any others that I didn't write?
Think about it. Was your mom anxious about things growing up? Do your siblings have anxiety too? Why or why not? What big events (or collection of small ones) happened in your life that impacted the way you look at the world? Do you have any health problems that could contribute to your anxiety? Is the fear of failure something that shows up in different parts of your life? Write it down in a journal or notebook. Anxiety doesn't come from nowhere (even though that's how it may feel and how others may have made you feel!).
I'll be writing more about anxiety and personal triggers, recognizing it in your body, coping tips and probably a lot more. Hope it's helpful and thanks for stopping by the blog!
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Part 3: Triggers
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/dealing-with-anxiety-and-stress-part-3.html
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