RANT POST!
Let me tell you a story about one reason your social worker/therapist/other mental health professional might be burned out.
I talk to a lot of people who have a lot of problems. Today I am going to generalize "people with problems" into two groups, and it's like this: 1) Some people have problems that are sad, hard things to deal with that I know I would struggle with too if it were me. 2) Some people have problems that are so heinous and unfair they actually make my stomach turn. All problems are real to the person, now matter how "big" or "small", and I 100% appreciate and understand that.
Sometimes, I can tell that someone in the first category is really struggling. The problem is real, no doubt about that. This person, however, has the means to get themselves better. They have insurance, a support system, some level of education, etc. They could just use someone to go to bat for them a little and they would have access to the help they want. I will be that person! That is my job! So I go to bat for them. The doctors question me, the psychiatrist questions me, the nurses question me, (and occasionally go from questioning to mean), my coworkers usually get it (which is a luxury), but generally, it's uncomfortable to advocate. You get a lot of people who talk to you like you're stupid. However, the other professionals will usually go along with my request because they trust me. So I put my heart and name on the line, advocate successfully, and I excitedly go to tell the patient that the help they requested is going to be granted to them. I open the door and tell them the good news!
They ignore me and stare at their phone. Then say something like, "How long is this going to take? I don't want to sit here for another f***ing hour. I need a soda or something." Then they look up at me, disgusted. "Can I just get a f***ing soda??"
I stare at them for a second. I answer their questions bluntly and run out of the room before I scream. Seriously.......?? Do they even care that I went out of my way for them? Are they going to act like this during their treatment and embarrass me for helping them? Why should I keep doing this for people if it's just going to keep getting thrown in my face? As I walk away I remind myself that they are not stable, they may not realize how they sound, they are stressed and tired, and this is the career path I chose. But like any human, it makes me feel angry and offended.
Let's talk about my second group of people. Some people come in, needing help, asking for help, desperate. They have battled and overcome barriers I can't even imagine facing. They are unstable and can't process information well, and it's a miracle they made it to the hospital at all. They have virtually no one in their support system, and have burned out most people who have tried -- not because they are mean, but because they function at the level of a small child and are emotionally draining to deal with. These people need a lot of help and they want it. But because of laws, policies, limitations of my own job and the broken, dysfunctional, ancient machine that is our mental health system, there's nothing I can do. Almost literally nothing.
I listen as compassionately as I can and compliment them. Then I say "Here, try these places" and hand them a list of phone numbers to places that can genuinely help them, knowing that they will probably never be able to make the call themselves. It's the middle of the night, so I can't make phone calls for them, plus I have 3 more patients to see ASAP, and the agencies that treat people with no insurance are already overworked and overwhelmed. I do everything I know how to do, but it's the worst feeling. These people almost literally need someone to take them by the hand, but they have very little chance of ever, ever finding that person, and I can't help them.
I know that everyone's problems are real, personal, and important. I will never diminish that. But some days it's really hard to feel for the first group of people who act rude, because you see the other end of the spectrum just as often -- the kind-hearted people with monstrous issues who really need treatment but just can't get it. Some days it's really hard to not feel frustrated, depressed and a little jaded.
(Don't get me wrong -- there are a number of people in the middle who genuinely are thankful and appreciative that they can get help. These people are an absolute treat and delight to work with, since they are the most rare and the most rewarding. Even the people who are unpleasant but invested are nice to work with.)
How do I let all the shit roll off me without becoming callous? How do I come to terms with the fact that much of the time I make very little actual difference in my job? And most of all, how do I keep MYSELF from going CRAZY?? (Just kidding. I actually kind of know how to do that one.)
I don't know. I don't know what to say about all that.
Therefore, in conclusion, it's at least nice to have that off my chest. Have I mentioned that rant-writing is an excellent coping skill? :) If anyone out there has similar frustrations or something to add, please feel free to comment.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Dealing with Anxiety (Without Medication)
I have struggled virtually my whole life with anxiety. Social anxiety, constant low-grade worry, constant high-grade worry, panic attacks, you name it.
When I was a teenager, I felt anxious all the time and had frequent bouts of depression. There were things happening in my family that were really hard for me to handle, and I literally felt like there was NO one I could talk to about it. Combine that with typical teenage angst and a natural inclination toward being serious and sensitive - I struggled. It would have been so nice to have just a little information about what I was feeling and going through. I did not have words to explain how I was feeling, and I really didn't know what to do or know that there was help available. It wasn't until college where I began to study social work and mental health that I realized what was happening, and maybe it didn't HAVE to be that way. Even today I am still learning and have times where I let it get the best of me. Not to mention the mental health system has so many gaps and barriers and it can be really difficult to get help, even for people who have the time and money. Even online, some of the information can be scattered, confusing, and even harmful.
Because of this, I'm going to add my two cents and put out a small series of posts about anxiety, what it is, and ways to manage it - starting with this one! This is information that I wish I'd had 10 years ago and hopefully someone will find it useful. All the information and tips I am going to share have been tested by yours truly and have been helpful to me!
First of all...
What even is anxiety?
Anxiety is a type of fear. Anxiety doesn’t need a stimulus, and can happen for long periods of time.
This is a definition I like (from The Free Dictionary by Farlex):
anxiety
a. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
Just to get a clearer picture, here are other words for “anxious” or “anxiety”:
Nervous, worried, stressed, stressed out, fear, apprehensive, uneasy, panicky.
I like the definition for a few different reasons. “Apprehension”, “uncertainty” and “fear” are three great synonyms for anxiety. My favorite part, however, is “from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation.” Sometimes we have anxiety over something real, like a new job, a big test, a date. It is totally normal to feel upset about an upcoming change or big event.
BUT, for those of us who are chronic and have trouble taking care of our anxiety, many of our worries are fantasized! For example, I have laid awake many a night imagining things like: “I can't believe I said that – now they are going to talk about me to everyone else/ice me out/hate me/what am I going to say to them/how am I going to handle this/etc.” Hours and hours worth of worries, lying awake, staring at the ceiling. I have replayed an apology in my mind a hundred times, down to the inflection in my voice and matching facial expressions. The next day, I would approach the person I had said the heinous words to and execute my finely practiced apology. They would look at me and say, “I don't even remember that.” I can't tell you how many times I have gotten that response. What a waste of time and energy all the worrying had been! This is just one example of the fantasized worries that I have let torture me through the years.
Anxiety sometimes comes before anger and sadness. It can be called a “gateway emotion”. If our anxiety gets too high, we can have panic attacks, aggression, depression, meltdowns, self-harming behaviors. Catch it in the early stages our stage of emotions, we can avoid a lot of drama and pain. You can’t always make it go away completely, but you CAN always learn about it and learn ways to manage it.
What causes chronic anxiety?
Causes of long term anxiety can include normal, human fears taken a couple steps further, like fears of failure, rejection, danger, pain (emotional or physical), not having control, or not knowing what’s going to happen.
When it never stops and starts becoming a problem (like mine), it can come from a few different things:
I believe my anxiety comes from a mixture of family history, habits, personality/fear of rejection, and health issues.
Go ahead and look at the list again. How many of the things in the list cause your anxiety? Are there any others that I didn't write?
Think about it. Was your mom anxious about things growing up? Do your siblings have anxiety too? Why or why not? What big events (or collection of small ones) happened in your life that impacted the way you look at the world? Do you have any health problems that could contribute to your anxiety? Is the fear of failure something that shows up in different parts of your life? Write it down in a journal or notebook. Anxiety doesn't come from nowhere (even though that's how it may feel and how others may have made you feel!).
I'll be writing more about anxiety and personal triggers, recognizing it in your body, coping tips and probably a lot more. Hope it's helpful and thanks for stopping by the blog!
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Part 3: Triggers
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/dealing-with-anxiety-and-stress-part-3.html
When I was a teenager, I felt anxious all the time and had frequent bouts of depression. There were things happening in my family that were really hard for me to handle, and I literally felt like there was NO one I could talk to about it. Combine that with typical teenage angst and a natural inclination toward being serious and sensitive - I struggled. It would have been so nice to have just a little information about what I was feeling and going through. I did not have words to explain how I was feeling, and I really didn't know what to do or know that there was help available. It wasn't until college where I began to study social work and mental health that I realized what was happening, and maybe it didn't HAVE to be that way. Even today I am still learning and have times where I let it get the best of me. Not to mention the mental health system has so many gaps and barriers and it can be really difficult to get help, even for people who have the time and money. Even online, some of the information can be scattered, confusing, and even harmful.
Because of this, I'm going to add my two cents and put out a small series of posts about anxiety, what it is, and ways to manage it - starting with this one! This is information that I wish I'd had 10 years ago and hopefully someone will find it useful. All the information and tips I am going to share have been tested by yours truly and have been helpful to me!
First of all...
What even is anxiety?
Anxiety is a type of fear. Anxiety doesn’t need a stimulus, and can happen for long periods of time.
This is a definition I like (from The Free Dictionary by Farlex):
anxiety
a. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
Just to get a clearer picture, here are other words for “anxious” or “anxiety”:
Nervous, worried, stressed, stressed out, fear, apprehensive, uneasy, panicky.
I like the definition for a few different reasons. “Apprehension”, “uncertainty” and “fear” are three great synonyms for anxiety. My favorite part, however, is “from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation.” Sometimes we have anxiety over something real, like a new job, a big test, a date. It is totally normal to feel upset about an upcoming change or big event.
BUT, for those of us who are chronic and have trouble taking care of our anxiety, many of our worries are fantasized! For example, I have laid awake many a night imagining things like: “I can't believe I said that – now they are going to talk about me to everyone else/ice me out/hate me/what am I going to say to them/how am I going to handle this/etc.” Hours and hours worth of worries, lying awake, staring at the ceiling. I have replayed an apology in my mind a hundred times, down to the inflection in my voice and matching facial expressions. The next day, I would approach the person I had said the heinous words to and execute my finely practiced apology. They would look at me and say, “I don't even remember that.” I can't tell you how many times I have gotten that response. What a waste of time and energy all the worrying had been! This is just one example of the fantasized worries that I have let torture me through the years.
Anxiety sometimes comes before anger and sadness. It can be called a “gateway emotion”. If our anxiety gets too high, we can have panic attacks, aggression, depression, meltdowns, self-harming behaviors. Catch it in the early stages our stage of emotions, we can avoid a lot of drama and pain. You can’t always make it go away completely, but you CAN always learn about it and learn ways to manage it.
What causes chronic anxiety?
Causes of long term anxiety can include normal, human fears taken a couple steps further, like fears of failure, rejection, danger, pain (emotional or physical), not having control, or not knowing what’s going to happen.
When it never stops and starts becoming a problem (like mine), it can come from a few different things:
- Brain chemistry
- Health problems
- Family history of anxiety or other mental heath issues
- Picking up habits from our parents/family of origin or others close to us
- Our personality
- Impactful / traumatic life events OR
I believe my anxiety comes from a mixture of family history, habits, personality/fear of rejection, and health issues.
Go ahead and look at the list again. How many of the things in the list cause your anxiety? Are there any others that I didn't write?
Think about it. Was your mom anxious about things growing up? Do your siblings have anxiety too? Why or why not? What big events (or collection of small ones) happened in your life that impacted the way you look at the world? Do you have any health problems that could contribute to your anxiety? Is the fear of failure something that shows up in different parts of your life? Write it down in a journal or notebook. Anxiety doesn't come from nowhere (even though that's how it may feel and how others may have made you feel!).
I'll be writing more about anxiety and personal triggers, recognizing it in your body, coping tips and probably a lot more. Hope it's helpful and thanks for stopping by the blog!
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Part 3: Triggers
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/dealing-with-anxiety-and-stress-part-3.html
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