I had to a take a deep breath before writing this post, because this is something that fires me up.
I'm going to tackle the trendy phrases that send the message: "Happiness is a choice".
Ok.
Look -- it is to a point. And maybe it's more of a choice for a lot of people without mental health issues. But for us, that message can feel so shaming and triggers thoughts like "Well then I must be doing something wrong". I struggled and pondered over this message through several years of being ashamed of myself for not being "happy" before I figured out what really bothered me about it. I want to break down my thoughts on why.
First of all, "happiness". What does this even mean? What does happy feel like? Does it feel like your chest is going to
burst with joy? Does it feel like a mild sense of comfort, or a wild
thrill of excitement? Does this mean that you are never sad? Or that you just never appear sad/angry/scared?
How often are you 'supposed' to be happy? Are you supposed to feel positive 95% of the time to have found happiness? 90%? 80%? 50%? Does "happiness" mean that even underneath your sadness/anger/fear you are actually happy?
What did your family tell you about happiness? What did you learn about happiness from the people around you growing up? The people around you now? What does the media say about happiness?
Obviously, no one has a perfect answer. People have been having theories around happiness for thousands and thousands of years. Nobody REALLY knows.
You have to figure out what "happiness" means for YOU.
Some people are cheerful easily. Their default is cheerful and optimistic. Their default is laid-back, take it easy, let's have fun. There ARE people like that, and the "choice" for them to be "happy" is a relatively easy one. These people don't understand why we can't do it; they usually aren't trying to shame you or make you feel bad, they just have no context. There are also people who choose to be negative, cranky, and choose to complain a lot, even though they don't have to and it may not really be that much work to knock it off. For them, too, "happiness" may be an easier choice.
Then there are the people who are not naturally "happy" all the time. Even most of the time, or half the time, sometimes any of the time. Many of these people usually have had something (or multiple things) terrible happen and they haven't been able to work through it properly. Not always, but often. Trauma and terrible life events can actually change your brain, making happiness physically harder. Did you know that? Very few people can think their way out of their emotions. Have you ever told anyone to calm down when they were really mad? Did it work? That's why...it is EXTREMELY difficult to "think" your way out of a feeling. And to tell yourself you "shouldn't" be feeling this way is common. We get this message a lot from various sources. Anger is bad, your emotions make you hard to love, hard to be around, nobody likes a downer, you're over-reacting, suck it up.
You don't have to be happy all the time. Right now, you don't have to be happy. It's ok for you to feel exactly how you feel, right now. Right now, you don't have to pretend. It's fine to NOT BE OK right now if you aren't ok.
Now the flip side. Having a natural tendency for other, more unpleasant emotions for whatever reasons doesn't mean you can't ever feel happy. And it doesn't mean that choice is completely out of the equation. IT CAN GET BETTER, and you DO have some power in that. However, our expectations need to change.
If "unhappiness" is our reality - to constantly feel insecure, angry, depressed, unlovable, unworthy, a loser, a screw up - then our goal is not to jump over the Grand Canyon of emotions and land on the other side into sheer bliss. Of course you're going to crash if you do this. Whether or not we realize it, this is what we expect of ourselves sometimes when we say "Tomorrow I will be so fun and happy", "Next time I see them I will be happy". That's typically completely unrealistic, and we don't need to expect that of ourselves. Because it's not about being perfect, it's about getting ONE STEP BETTER. One step in a direction of kindness to ourselves.
This is more what we should expect when we start to "choose happiness":
- To start learning to say "It's ok" to ourselves when we feel something we don't like
- To let ourselves look in the mirror with a neutral point of view, rather than searching for things to hate
- To let yourself hope that your life could be better
- To allow yourself to consider the idea that somebody loves you, or could love you, for YOU
- To consider the idea that maybe there are some good things about you, even if you don't know what they are yet
- To give ourselves permission to spend a little money and get a treat we like when we feel awful
- To let yourself think about the idea that maybe there are GOOD REASONS for why you are the way you are, even if you don't know them yet
- To let ourselves be proud when we do something hard, even if it's making a phone call or taking a shower
- To let yourself consider that maybe, just maybe, one day you could figure out what "happiness" is for you, and feel it more often than you feel terrible
Because what if you could? WHAT IF YOU DID? What if it were true?
Even these steps may be very hard for you, and that's ok. Everyone starts in a different place.
Healing and getting better takes courage, it takes time. It takes hope and hard work. It takes learning, sacrifice, and letting go of what you can't control. It's not simple the way saying "Happiness is a choice" makes it sound. It takes letting yourself have help, and it takes letting other people support you. It takes learning to forgive yourself and others. I don't want to lie and make healing sound like a easy, simple process, because it's not.
BUT
You CAN GET BETTER.
You CAN FEEL HAPPINESS.
You can heal.
You can.
I promise.
I've seen it.
Even if it doesn't seem like it right now, or tomorrow, or in six months.
You can.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Keeping Your Thoughts Under Control: Thought-Managing Techniques
We've heard stuff like this so much we all want to puke: "Your thoughts create your reality" or some other thing like "Control your mind, control your life". The words are usually photoshopped onto some picture of a canoe on a lake, or a flower in the sunlight, or some other nonsense. Barf.
The reason I am saying "nonsense" is not because I think it's wrong, necessarily. It's because those pictures send a message that makes it seem like your mind should easily be this beautiful, calm, serene place. Like having a never-ending heavenly mind is the ultimate goal. That "controlling" your thoughts is as simple as laying under an umbrella on the beach. Well maybe for some people it is, but most people I talk to, as well as me and my brain, maybe have moments of serenity but most of the time it's like a tornado. Sometimes a war zone. It gets pretty dark and ugly in there. And while it's true that your thoughts play a huge role in your quality of life, what those pictures don't communicate is the amount of work, tears, pain, and struggle that can come with learning to manage your thoughts.
The other thing is that these messages don't give you any clue about how to even start. They just say "do it". And I'm sure we've all heard the same things from well-meaning family members and friends - "Just let it go", "Just turn your brain off", "Just go take a nap", "Just forget about it". Or my personal favorite: "You're over-reacting."
These phrases don't help and aren't true for a lot of us.
Managing your thoughts when you first start learning seems seriously impossible. You get pissed, you get upset with yourself, you feel ashamed. "It's supposed to be simple, why is this so hard? Why can't I get it?"
BECAUSE IT'S HARD!!!! THAT'S WHY!!! And it's totally normal and fine to feel upset about it being hard. Learning new things is hard work, especially when there are heavy emotions involved.
Especially for those of us whose brains are wired in very non-serene manners, or whose brains have learned to be torrential for a variety of reasons. (read my anxiety posts to learn about reasons your brains might be this way too.)
Another thing I want to really stress is that having doubts, worries, anxiety, negative thoughts about yourself or whatever else is fine. It's normal. Really, I'm serious. All humans have them. This is NOT about NEVER thinking anything negative or painful, because those kinds of thoughts are going to happen no matter what. Your whole life. And it's ok, because you're a human. That said, what this IS about is not letting them take over your life. It's about being able to start discerning which ones are valid and which ones aren't. It's about making a little more room in your brain to put some positive things in there along with the negative.
So I want to give you a place to start.
First of all, I want to set up better expectations. Learning about your own thoughts and how to have any sort of control with them is a skill, you can learn it. You can be taught and you can get better at it. Yeah, you're going to suck at first, but you'll get better. And it's not about doing it perfectly - EVER. No one has perfect mental discipline at every moment. Managing your own mind must be practiced, it must be practiced often, and you have to cut yourself a lot of slack because it is difficult.
There are a few mindfulness skills and a few CBT techniques thrown in there. There are lots of different ways to practice this, and you have to try different things until you find a good fit for you.
The basic premise is either 1) you stop the negative thinking dead in it's tracks and refocus, or 2) you recognize that your thinking is unhelpful or harmful, and keep reminding yourself of this as the thought fades away for now (because it will, even if it returns again later). Also, if you can only focus and keep the awful thoughts at bay for 2 seconds, fine! Do it for 2 seconds. Tomorrow maybe you'll do it for 5. You're just starting, and you'll get better. And it's better to have a 5 second break than none at all, right?
**DISCLAIMER: These are meant for people who are not experiencing flashbacks or severe traumatic stress, or who are already escalated past the point of calming down.
Let's take the "counting sheep" example. Imagine sheep in a field (or I always imagined them jumping over a fence repeatedly) and count them until you fall asleep. Part of the reason this might work is it gives you something to pay attention to. When your mind wanders, you just think "Oh, what number was I on?" and go back to counting. You don't go "AGHH I can't believe I lost count, I'm such an idiot!!" because they are just imaginary sheep. It's gentle and keeps your mind occupied in a pleasant enough manner. It's also boring as hell, which is why it has never worked for me, but for some it does and it's common enough that I could use it as an example.
Here are some mind tips that HAVE worked for me, that I thought were interesting, or I know have been helpful for others:
Windshield wipers
I used this one quite a bit when I was first practicing my mind-management. I imagine like I'm watching a black screen at the movies. When I notice that I'm having a thought appear on that screen, I then imagine windshield wipers wiping the thought away as if they are rain water and I'm in a car, and I go back to watching the quiet, black screen. I love driving in the rain, so this has pleasant connotations for me.
Imagine thoughts as cars driving by
This is one of my more recent tricks. Sometimes I will imagine as if I am standing on the side of a busy street. I literally imagine my thoughts as appearing before me, and then I watch them as they pass by out of my line of vision, like when you're a little kid playing outside and you watch a car drive by on your street. This helps me tune in to my "observer" self, and helps me stay separate from my thoughts so they don't consume me. I don't try and push them out and I don't say "crap I got lost in my thoughts", I just go back to my side of the street and watch it go.
"5-4-3-2-1" Grounding
Lots of my patients and even my family say this works for them, even when they have no previous mental health treatment. With this technique, you use your five senses to get out of your head and into the world. One sense at a time, notice what's happening RIGHT NOW in your environment. What do you see around you? What do you smell? Really pay attention and let yourself notice. What do you feel on your skin? Is it cold/hot? What can you hear? Often there's nothing around to taste, but if there is, what do you taste? This technique puts the focus outside of your wild brain and into your surroundings, where you often see that there's nothing scary going on THIS MOMENT and that you're ok in the bigger picture.
Putting your brain in a drawer
This one is from Amy Poehler's book "Yes, Please". It's something like when her brain gets loud, she imagines putting it in a drawer and letting it holler and whine and do what it needs to do, but it's muted and she doesn't have to pay as much attention to it. I thought this was a lovely practice, and who doesn't love Amy Poehler?
Naming your anxiety/depression/negative self-talk
I love this way of separating yourself from your hurtful thoughts. Come up with an identity for that voice or those thoughts that criticize you. Names I've heard of are "Steve" and "Mrs. Quibble-Wibble". I love the idea of naming it something silly, because when you catch yourself in awful thoughts you can just say "Oh, there's Steve again", or "Get out of here, Mrs. Quibble-Wibble". It helps you take those thoughts a little less seriously. I personally haven't named my thoughts (I can't seem to come up with a fitting name), but I've personally seen this work for other people.
"Cancel"/"Stop" and "Try again"
I use this idea with my patients sometimes. Sometimes they get caught in ugly, ugly thinking. Depending on their mood and personality, I can sometimes get away with cajoling them with this and they end up giggling at themselves. When they say something in a negative way, I'll point it out to them. If it happens again, I gently tell them "Stop", point out their thinking, and say "Try again", always good naturedly and to try never make it blaming (because I get it). I'm challenging them to rephrase what they said in a different way. Often it takes 3-4 tries before they figure out how to put their phrase in a neutral, realistic, or more positive way. This is something you can practice doing on your own, too.
Example: "I'm never going to get better"
"Try again"
"I might never get better"
"Try again"
"(sarcastically) I'm going to get better tomorrow"
"Ha ha, ok yeah sure, try again" (or depending on the person I match their sarcasm)
"(more seriously) I can probably get better, even though it's really hard and doesn't seem like it"
"STOP!!"
Sometimes it goes too far and you need to stop a thought dead in it's tracks. Yell STOP in your brain (or out loud, if you're in a situation you can do that) for as long as it takes to make it louder than those ugly, mean thoughts: "STOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!". Hopefully you will hear a quiet when you're done mind-yelling (that is what has happened for me, at least). Then pick yourself up and get out of wherever you are and whatever you're doing. Get distracted, do something else. Get out of the house. Call someone you love. If you're REALLY good, correct yourself and think something nice, but this can be really hard.
Again, it will take practice to re-focus after you get lost in your thoughts. When you first start you might have to re-focus yourself 4 times a second and that's normal. I don't expect that these will work for everyone and especially not in every situation. But they are a place to start.
As always, if you don't do it perfectly, it's totally ok. If you try all of these repeatedly and none of them help, that's fine. If you find something else that works for you in a healthy way, awesome! Do that. If you find that you keep having negative thoughts pop in, that's totally ok too, they are just thoughts. They are just there, and they suck, but they will go away at some point, at least for a while. Everybody has negative thoughts sometimes. In fact if someone said that one of these or any other technique made their painful thoughts go away completely I wouldn't believe them one bit.
Some other things you could try are pretty much anything called "mindfulness" skills or "thought stopping techniques".
If you have any comments or questions feel free to comment or email me!
The reason I am saying "nonsense" is not because I think it's wrong, necessarily. It's because those pictures send a message that makes it seem like your mind should easily be this beautiful, calm, serene place. Like having a never-ending heavenly mind is the ultimate goal. That "controlling" your thoughts is as simple as laying under an umbrella on the beach. Well maybe for some people it is, but most people I talk to, as well as me and my brain, maybe have moments of serenity but most of the time it's like a tornado. Sometimes a war zone. It gets pretty dark and ugly in there. And while it's true that your thoughts play a huge role in your quality of life, what those pictures don't communicate is the amount of work, tears, pain, and struggle that can come with learning to manage your thoughts.
The other thing is that these messages don't give you any clue about how to even start. They just say "do it". And I'm sure we've all heard the same things from well-meaning family members and friends - "Just let it go", "Just turn your brain off", "Just go take a nap", "Just forget about it". Or my personal favorite: "You're over-reacting."
These phrases don't help and aren't true for a lot of us.
Managing your thoughts when you first start learning seems seriously impossible. You get pissed, you get upset with yourself, you feel ashamed. "It's supposed to be simple, why is this so hard? Why can't I get it?"
BECAUSE IT'S HARD!!!! THAT'S WHY!!! And it's totally normal and fine to feel upset about it being hard. Learning new things is hard work, especially when there are heavy emotions involved.
Especially for those of us whose brains are wired in very non-serene manners, or whose brains have learned to be torrential for a variety of reasons. (read my anxiety posts to learn about reasons your brains might be this way too.)
Another thing I want to really stress is that having doubts, worries, anxiety, negative thoughts about yourself or whatever else is fine. It's normal. Really, I'm serious. All humans have them. This is NOT about NEVER thinking anything negative or painful, because those kinds of thoughts are going to happen no matter what. Your whole life. And it's ok, because you're a human. That said, what this IS about is not letting them take over your life. It's about being able to start discerning which ones are valid and which ones aren't. It's about making a little more room in your brain to put some positive things in there along with the negative.
So I want to give you a place to start.
First of all, I want to set up better expectations. Learning about your own thoughts and how to have any sort of control with them is a skill, you can learn it. You can be taught and you can get better at it. Yeah, you're going to suck at first, but you'll get better. And it's not about doing it perfectly - EVER. No one has perfect mental discipline at every moment. Managing your own mind must be practiced, it must be practiced often, and you have to cut yourself a lot of slack because it is difficult.
There are a few mindfulness skills and a few CBT techniques thrown in there. There are lots of different ways to practice this, and you have to try different things until you find a good fit for you.
The basic premise is either 1) you stop the negative thinking dead in it's tracks and refocus, or 2) you recognize that your thinking is unhelpful or harmful, and keep reminding yourself of this as the thought fades away for now (because it will, even if it returns again later). Also, if you can only focus and keep the awful thoughts at bay for 2 seconds, fine! Do it for 2 seconds. Tomorrow maybe you'll do it for 5. You're just starting, and you'll get better. And it's better to have a 5 second break than none at all, right?
**DISCLAIMER: These are meant for people who are not experiencing flashbacks or severe traumatic stress, or who are already escalated past the point of calming down.
Let's take the "counting sheep" example. Imagine sheep in a field (or I always imagined them jumping over a fence repeatedly) and count them until you fall asleep. Part of the reason this might work is it gives you something to pay attention to. When your mind wanders, you just think "Oh, what number was I on?" and go back to counting. You don't go "AGHH I can't believe I lost count, I'm such an idiot!!" because they are just imaginary sheep. It's gentle and keeps your mind occupied in a pleasant enough manner. It's also boring as hell, which is why it has never worked for me, but for some it does and it's common enough that I could use it as an example.
Here are some mind tips that HAVE worked for me, that I thought were interesting, or I know have been helpful for others:
Windshield wipers
I used this one quite a bit when I was first practicing my mind-management. I imagine like I'm watching a black screen at the movies. When I notice that I'm having a thought appear on that screen, I then imagine windshield wipers wiping the thought away as if they are rain water and I'm in a car, and I go back to watching the quiet, black screen. I love driving in the rain, so this has pleasant connotations for me.
Imagine thoughts as cars driving by
This is one of my more recent tricks. Sometimes I will imagine as if I am standing on the side of a busy street. I literally imagine my thoughts as appearing before me, and then I watch them as they pass by out of my line of vision, like when you're a little kid playing outside and you watch a car drive by on your street. This helps me tune in to my "observer" self, and helps me stay separate from my thoughts so they don't consume me. I don't try and push them out and I don't say "crap I got lost in my thoughts", I just go back to my side of the street and watch it go.
"5-4-3-2-1" Grounding
Lots of my patients and even my family say this works for them, even when they have no previous mental health treatment. With this technique, you use your five senses to get out of your head and into the world. One sense at a time, notice what's happening RIGHT NOW in your environment. What do you see around you? What do you smell? Really pay attention and let yourself notice. What do you feel on your skin? Is it cold/hot? What can you hear? Often there's nothing around to taste, but if there is, what do you taste? This technique puts the focus outside of your wild brain and into your surroundings, where you often see that there's nothing scary going on THIS MOMENT and that you're ok in the bigger picture.
Putting your brain in a drawer
This one is from Amy Poehler's book "Yes, Please". It's something like when her brain gets loud, she imagines putting it in a drawer and letting it holler and whine and do what it needs to do, but it's muted and she doesn't have to pay as much attention to it. I thought this was a lovely practice, and who doesn't love Amy Poehler?
Naming your anxiety/depression/negative self-talk
I love this way of separating yourself from your hurtful thoughts. Come up with an identity for that voice or those thoughts that criticize you. Names I've heard of are "Steve" and "Mrs. Quibble-Wibble". I love the idea of naming it something silly, because when you catch yourself in awful thoughts you can just say "Oh, there's Steve again", or "Get out of here, Mrs. Quibble-Wibble". It helps you take those thoughts a little less seriously. I personally haven't named my thoughts (I can't seem to come up with a fitting name), but I've personally seen this work for other people.
"Cancel"/"Stop" and "Try again"
I use this idea with my patients sometimes. Sometimes they get caught in ugly, ugly thinking. Depending on their mood and personality, I can sometimes get away with cajoling them with this and they end up giggling at themselves. When they say something in a negative way, I'll point it out to them. If it happens again, I gently tell them "Stop", point out their thinking, and say "Try again", always good naturedly and to try never make it blaming (because I get it). I'm challenging them to rephrase what they said in a different way. Often it takes 3-4 tries before they figure out how to put their phrase in a neutral, realistic, or more positive way. This is something you can practice doing on your own, too.
Example: "I'm never going to get better"
"Try again"
"I might never get better"
"Try again"
"(sarcastically) I'm going to get better tomorrow"
"Ha ha, ok yeah sure, try again" (or depending on the person I match their sarcasm)
"(more seriously) I can probably get better, even though it's really hard and doesn't seem like it"
"STOP!!"
Sometimes it goes too far and you need to stop a thought dead in it's tracks. Yell STOP in your brain (or out loud, if you're in a situation you can do that) for as long as it takes to make it louder than those ugly, mean thoughts: "STOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!". Hopefully you will hear a quiet when you're done mind-yelling (that is what has happened for me, at least). Then pick yourself up and get out of wherever you are and whatever you're doing. Get distracted, do something else. Get out of the house. Call someone you love. If you're REALLY good, correct yourself and think something nice, but this can be really hard.
Again, it will take practice to re-focus after you get lost in your thoughts. When you first start you might have to re-focus yourself 4 times a second and that's normal. I don't expect that these will work for everyone and especially not in every situation. But they are a place to start.
As always, if you don't do it perfectly, it's totally ok. If you try all of these repeatedly and none of them help, that's fine. If you find something else that works for you in a healthy way, awesome! Do that. If you find that you keep having negative thoughts pop in, that's totally ok too, they are just thoughts. They are just there, and they suck, but they will go away at some point, at least for a while. Everybody has negative thoughts sometimes. In fact if someone said that one of these or any other technique made their painful thoughts go away completely I wouldn't believe them one bit.
Some other things you could try are pretty much anything called "mindfulness" skills or "thought stopping techniques".
If you have any comments or questions feel free to comment or email me!
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Why I Write About Mental Health
Because it's stigmatized, and needs to not be.
Because it's real.
Because it's ignored.
Because I've been there.
Because it's scary when you don't understand it.
Because it's much less scary when you do.
Because it can be life-threatening.
Because I wish I'd known more about it when I was younger.
Because I wish my family had known more.
Because there are people spreading unhelpful, sometimes harmful information on the internet and I want to combat it.
Because other people being vulnerable online has helped me and been immensely comforting.
Because everyone deals with it, whether they like it or not.
Because people hate it.
Because it is at the root of many people's disdain and sometimes hatred of life.
Because emotions are part of being a living human.
Because our culture seems to actively have a problem with that.
Because emotions that are stuffed away NEVER EVER REALLY DISAPPEAR. EVER. Ever. They just create very ugly problems down the road.
Because if my writing about it helps someone get the help they need, it's seriously so worth it.
Because the system is f**ked up and I have something to say.
Because it's real.
Because it's ignored.
Because I've been there.
Because it's scary when you don't understand it.
Because it's much less scary when you do.
Because it can be life-threatening.
Because I wish I'd known more about it when I was younger.
Because I wish my family had known more.
Because there are people spreading unhelpful, sometimes harmful information on the internet and I want to combat it.
Because other people being vulnerable online has helped me and been immensely comforting.
Because everyone deals with it, whether they like it or not.
Because people hate it.
Because it is at the root of many people's disdain and sometimes hatred of life.
Because emotions are part of being a living human.
Because our culture seems to actively have a problem with that.
Because emotions that are stuffed away NEVER EVER REALLY DISAPPEAR. EVER. Ever. They just create very ugly problems down the road.
Because if my writing about it helps someone get the help they need, it's seriously so worth it.
Because the system is f**ked up and I have something to say.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Mentally Healthy and Inspiring Social Media Roundup!
Social media! Let's use this giant in a healthy way to inspire us and boost us up. Here's what I've been loving lately:
Lizzie Velasquez on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/lizzitachickita
Lizzie is an amazing woman and an excellent speaker. I've used her Ted Talks in groups with teenagers and always got a positive response from them. She has a rare medical condition and she talks about the ways she's overcome the barriers it's presented. She's just basically awesome and really, really inspiring.
Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend - TED talk -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU
This is a spunky gal who presents an alternative way to look at your stress. Definitely worth a watch!
Healthy is the New Skinny on Instagram @healthyisthenewskinny
Katie Willcox is a body image advocate and runs a modeling company that focuses on using healthy models with bodies that are more typical of everyday women. She writes some pretty awesome posts and some cute pictures that help you remember that YOU are the norm! The business side is promoted pretty often but I like what they are about.
Masumi Goldman on Instagram @masumi_g
Masumi is a yoga mom dealing with chronic Lyme disease, and a co-founder of Two Fit Moms. What I like about her posts is they are often about real emotions, acceptance, and finding peace with what you have and where you are at.
Victoria Emanuela on Instagram @victoria.emanuela
This girl is a powerhouse of mental health advocacy. She talks openly about her past traumas, her bad days of depression and flashbacks, how she gets through them, and celebrating the good days. She usually writes beautiful, encouraging posts and talks about a lot of the realities of mental health. Really cool account.
How Your Brain Can Turn Anxiety Into Calmness by University of California Television on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYJdekjiAog
Interesting speech about reframing your anxiety. Not gonna lie, this is one that I've listened to while laying in bed trying to sleep (and it's worked!). It has great information, though, and he even does an exercise to help calm yourself almost instantly.
StyleLikeU on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/stylelikeu
I LOVE what these women do. They invite really interesting people to come and share their very real life stories - some heartbreaking, all inspiring. It's a case of putting the resilience and rawness of humanity on display. It has really helped me put some of my own issues in perspective, and see them in a little bit different light. Be aware that the language and topics are not censored. Love love love this channel.
The Highly Sensitive Person Podcast -- http://highlysensitiveperson.net/hsppodcast/
Have you ever heard the term "Highly Sensitive Person" or HSP? If not, it's worth checking out. It was really validating and helpful to me to be able to frame my personality in this manner. These podcasts are by a gal named Kelly who is an HSP person. They are short and sweet, and full of helpful thoughts and tips for dealing with your emotions!
What other mental health-friendly accounts are out there? I'm always on the lookout. Feel free to share any ideas in the comments!
Lizzie Velasquez on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/lizzitachickita
Lizzie is an amazing woman and an excellent speaker. I've used her Ted Talks in groups with teenagers and always got a positive response from them. She has a rare medical condition and she talks about the ways she's overcome the barriers it's presented. She's just basically awesome and really, really inspiring.
Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend - TED talk -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU
This is a spunky gal who presents an alternative way to look at your stress. Definitely worth a watch!
Healthy is the New Skinny on Instagram @healthyisthenewskinny
Katie Willcox is a body image advocate and runs a modeling company that focuses on using healthy models with bodies that are more typical of everyday women. She writes some pretty awesome posts and some cute pictures that help you remember that YOU are the norm! The business side is promoted pretty often but I like what they are about.
Masumi Goldman on Instagram @masumi_g
Masumi is a yoga mom dealing with chronic Lyme disease, and a co-founder of Two Fit Moms. What I like about her posts is they are often about real emotions, acceptance, and finding peace with what you have and where you are at.
Victoria Emanuela on Instagram @victoria.emanuela
This girl is a powerhouse of mental health advocacy. She talks openly about her past traumas, her bad days of depression and flashbacks, how she gets through them, and celebrating the good days. She usually writes beautiful, encouraging posts and talks about a lot of the realities of mental health. Really cool account.
How Your Brain Can Turn Anxiety Into Calmness by University of California Television on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYJdekjiAog
Interesting speech about reframing your anxiety. Not gonna lie, this is one that I've listened to while laying in bed trying to sleep (and it's worked!). It has great information, though, and he even does an exercise to help calm yourself almost instantly.
StyleLikeU on YouTube -- https://www.youtube.com/user/stylelikeu
I LOVE what these women do. They invite really interesting people to come and share their very real life stories - some heartbreaking, all inspiring. It's a case of putting the resilience and rawness of humanity on display. It has really helped me put some of my own issues in perspective, and see them in a little bit different light. Be aware that the language and topics are not censored. Love love love this channel.
The Highly Sensitive Person Podcast -- http://highlysensitiveperson.net/hsppodcast/
Have you ever heard the term "Highly Sensitive Person" or HSP? If not, it's worth checking out. It was really validating and helpful to me to be able to frame my personality in this manner. These podcasts are by a gal named Kelly who is an HSP person. They are short and sweet, and full of helpful thoughts and tips for dealing with your emotions!
What other mental health-friendly accounts are out there? I'm always on the lookout. Feel free to share any ideas in the comments!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Bad Day
The past few days/weeks have been on the tough side for me. Today the weather was grey, grey, grey. Dark and thick and grey, which did not help the situation.
I have to admit my nasty thoughts and emotions have gotten the better of me today. Feeling like a loser, and that all the things I hope for are never going to happen. Never going to buy a house. Never going to find a job I really like. That my ideas for this blog are too stupid to even try. Always going to have health issues and depression. Never going to have a good marriage or children. Writing it now and looking at it, I can see how dramatic and ridiculous it sounds, but it has felt real nonetheless.
In the past, a day like this would put me out for a week or more. I would have been on the couch for at least a few days and stuck in the negative thinking pattern for much longer, believing most of it. I would be draining my friends and family then beating myself up and feeling guilty about it. I would start to believe that I am too much work as a person, that people don't want to be around me and I don't deserve to be loved. It would be too overwhelming to talk to anyone or try to make myself do anything, which would add to those feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Now, I have a little bit more perspective. I have a faint notion in the back of my mind that remembers that what I'm thinking/feeling may not be actual reality. It's wayyy back there though, deep in that pile of dark thoughts. I stay in bed for a while, finally cry a little and let some of it go. I write about how I'm feeling and that lets another bit of it out, too.
Writing has helped the most today. Sometimes once I see my thoughts on paper I can make more sense of them, rather than just having them swirl around in a dark haze in my brain.
Once I am able to have some recognition of what's going on, I go just a little easier on myself. I gave myself permission to feel depressed tonight. Not all the time, but at least just tonight. I gave myself permission to hole up for the night and not even brush my teeth (which I hate doing on any day, to be honest). I will let today be today without trying to make it something it's not, and hold onto hope that tomorrow will be better.
I have to admit my nasty thoughts and emotions have gotten the better of me today. Feeling like a loser, and that all the things I hope for are never going to happen. Never going to buy a house. Never going to find a job I really like. That my ideas for this blog are too stupid to even try. Always going to have health issues and depression. Never going to have a good marriage or children. Writing it now and looking at it, I can see how dramatic and ridiculous it sounds, but it has felt real nonetheless.
In the past, a day like this would put me out for a week or more. I would have been on the couch for at least a few days and stuck in the negative thinking pattern for much longer, believing most of it. I would be draining my friends and family then beating myself up and feeling guilty about it. I would start to believe that I am too much work as a person, that people don't want to be around me and I don't deserve to be loved. It would be too overwhelming to talk to anyone or try to make myself do anything, which would add to those feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Now, I have a little bit more perspective. I have a faint notion in the back of my mind that remembers that what I'm thinking/feeling may not be actual reality. It's wayyy back there though, deep in that pile of dark thoughts. I stay in bed for a while, finally cry a little and let some of it go. I write about how I'm feeling and that lets another bit of it out, too.
Writing has helped the most today. Sometimes once I see my thoughts on paper I can make more sense of them, rather than just having them swirl around in a dark haze in my brain.
Once I am able to have some recognition of what's going on, I go just a little easier on myself. I gave myself permission to feel depressed tonight. Not all the time, but at least just tonight. I gave myself permission to hole up for the night and not even brush my teeth (which I hate doing on any day, to be honest). I will let today be today without trying to make it something it's not, and hold onto hope that tomorrow will be better.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Dealing with Anxiety and Stress (part 3): Knowing Your Triggers
Understand your triggers for your anxiety.
Have you heard of a trigger? Yeah, like on a gun, you say. In the mental health word, triggers are events, situations, memories, thoughts, people, places, etc. that bring out emotions in us. They are the kickoff point of our emotional state, sometimes for anxiety. Most of the time we focus on the triggers that bring out emotions that we don't like or we have a hard time with (anxiety, depression, etc.), but there are also triggers for positive feelings. Everybody's are different.
When I was teaching this concept to kids I worked with, one came up with a great example. One person sees a dog. They have been bitten in the past, or they are allergic, so seeing the dog makes them scared or upset. For them, the dog was a trigger for negative feelings of fear. Another person sees the dog. They love dogs, and they run up to it and snuggle and are happy. For them, the dog was a trigger for feelings of joy.
A lot of us have triggers that are similar, especially for everyday kinds of situations - tests, traffic, work, social situations - and are a little more on the obvious side. For other people, who have experienced trauma or other really hard things, the triggers won't always make sense, even to themselves. If a person was abused by their mother when they were very young, they may be at work or school and find themselves becoming 'overly' upset when they are around a certain woman. They don't know why, there's nothing blatantly wrong with the woman, she's nice enough, but being around the woman makes the person really angry and insecure. It's possible that the woman at work has similar mannerisms, hair, or a personality to the person's abusive mother that the person doesn't fully realize. The woman at work becomes a trigger for feelings of anger and insecurity, whether or not it's recognized.
You can see where if this person doesn't recognize that the woman is a trigger for them, it's going to cause problems. The person might become extremely rude to the woman, or be unable to complete jobs because they are so upset. They might have clashes and the person might have trouble controlling themselves at work.
That's why it's SO IMPORTANT to understand the kinds of things that make you feel anxious! It's so important to know your own triggers for anxiety so that you can AVOID or PREPARE for them!! Knowing WHY your triggers make you anxious can also really help, so it's best if you can dig down a little and figure out why you're so anxious about it. (If you do this, sometimes old, old issues pop up and surprise you. It's helpful to find the root cause with a therapist.)
To get started, I made a list of common stressors (it's geared toward teenagers, but I think can apply to everybody). Read through the list and use the information from the last anxiety post - PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY WHEN READING THIS LIST! Some triggers might prompt an immediate physical response, which will help you recognize both your triggers and your body's signals of anxiety.
After each trigger you see that is true for you, think for just a second about WHY this gives you anxiety, i.e. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m dumb, I’m afraid I’ll mess up, etc.
Home:
Home environment
Neighborhood
Food
Your role in the family
Problems with parents
Problems with spouse/partner
Expectations
Money
Why are they triggers?
School:
Exams
Friends
Being around other people
Teachers
Assignments
Public speaking
Projects
Bullies
Peer pressure
Grades
College
Money
What's happening in your body?
Work:
Boss
Coworkers
Pressure to make no mistakes
Hours
Job duties
Customers
Why are they triggers?
Family:
Parents
Siblings
Other relatives
What's happening in your body?
General personal triggers:
Mental health concerns
Sleep
Personal judgments
Personal expectations
What others might think of you
What you think of yourself
Feeling like you’re not good enough
Feelings
Weight
Health problems
What's happening in your body?
What body signals did you have? What issues caused you the most stress to think about? Do you have other triggers that are not on the list?
Again, it's super important that we recognize our triggers so we can AVOID them or PREPARE for them. Some things we just cannot avoid, so we have to come up with a plan and some coping skills that are ready to go when we face our triggers.
A simple example is me at my new job. I found that I was uncomfortably anxious just being at work. My face always was red and felt like it was going to pop. I had a constant stomachache and was getting headaches all the time. I didn't know the people, I didn't know how to do the work. I was anxious because I did not want to make a mistake, and I did not want people to be mad at me. I prepared a few different ways to cope - I identified people that I was more comfortable with and reminded myself I would be working with them. I planned to stick a little close to them when I could. I hate making mistakes. I bought a tiny notebook and wrote down everything I learned from my mistakes. I tallied the numbers of patient interactions that went smoothly. I wear rings to work to give my hands something to do when I'm stressed instead of picking my fingers to a nub. I go to the bathroom when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I tell myself I'm doing my best, and that people being mad at me does not affect my worth as a person. I've done a few more things, but I think you get the idea!
It helps. Some tactics work better than others. I still feel anxious and stressed and overwhelmed almost every shift. But I know that work is a huge trigger and I mostly know why. So I have prepared, so I KNOW that the anxiety is not going to control me. We duke it out, me and anxiety, but I always win :)
Go through the list again, write down your 3 biggest triggers and why, and for each come up with a small strategy to try when you have to face that trigger.
Does your mom always call and chew you out for stuff and it makes you stressed? Plan to think of a fun trip or doodle next time she calls. Plan how you are going to react (in a way that won't make you feel guilty afterward...).
Going to a party and you have social anxiety? Give yourself an "out" or a time limit. Think about the people there that you like and are more comfortable with. Plan to find the bathroom as soon as you get there so you have a place to hide if needed.
Not everything you try is going to help, but some of it will. You may even find that the situation wasn't as bad as you expected and you didn't even need to use the plan!
If you want to read part one or two of the anxiety posts, here they are:
Part 1: Dealing with Anxiety (Without Medication)
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/managing-anxiety.html
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Have you heard of a trigger? Yeah, like on a gun, you say. In the mental health word, triggers are events, situations, memories, thoughts, people, places, etc. that bring out emotions in us. They are the kickoff point of our emotional state, sometimes for anxiety. Most of the time we focus on the triggers that bring out emotions that we don't like or we have a hard time with (anxiety, depression, etc.), but there are also triggers for positive feelings. Everybody's are different.
When I was teaching this concept to kids I worked with, one came up with a great example. One person sees a dog. They have been bitten in the past, or they are allergic, so seeing the dog makes them scared or upset. For them, the dog was a trigger for negative feelings of fear. Another person sees the dog. They love dogs, and they run up to it and snuggle and are happy. For them, the dog was a trigger for feelings of joy.
A lot of us have triggers that are similar, especially for everyday kinds of situations - tests, traffic, work, social situations - and are a little more on the obvious side. For other people, who have experienced trauma or other really hard things, the triggers won't always make sense, even to themselves. If a person was abused by their mother when they were very young, they may be at work or school and find themselves becoming 'overly' upset when they are around a certain woman. They don't know why, there's nothing blatantly wrong with the woman, she's nice enough, but being around the woman makes the person really angry and insecure. It's possible that the woman at work has similar mannerisms, hair, or a personality to the person's abusive mother that the person doesn't fully realize. The woman at work becomes a trigger for feelings of anger and insecurity, whether or not it's recognized.
You can see where if this person doesn't recognize that the woman is a trigger for them, it's going to cause problems. The person might become extremely rude to the woman, or be unable to complete jobs because they are so upset. They might have clashes and the person might have trouble controlling themselves at work.
That's why it's SO IMPORTANT to understand the kinds of things that make you feel anxious! It's so important to know your own triggers for anxiety so that you can AVOID or PREPARE for them!! Knowing WHY your triggers make you anxious can also really help, so it's best if you can dig down a little and figure out why you're so anxious about it. (If you do this, sometimes old, old issues pop up and surprise you. It's helpful to find the root cause with a therapist.)
To get started, I made a list of common stressors (it's geared toward teenagers, but I think can apply to everybody). Read through the list and use the information from the last anxiety post - PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY WHEN READING THIS LIST! Some triggers might prompt an immediate physical response, which will help you recognize both your triggers and your body's signals of anxiety.
After each trigger you see that is true for you, think for just a second about WHY this gives you anxiety, i.e. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m dumb, I’m afraid I’ll mess up, etc.
Home:
Home environment
Neighborhood
Food
Your role in the family
Problems with parents
Problems with spouse/partner
Expectations
Money
Why are they triggers?
School:
Exams
Friends
Being around other people
Teachers
Assignments
Public speaking
Projects
Bullies
Peer pressure
Grades
College
Money
What's happening in your body?
Work:
Boss
Coworkers
Pressure to make no mistakes
Hours
Job duties
Customers
Why are they triggers?
Family:
Parents
Siblings
Other relatives
What's happening in your body?
General personal triggers:
Mental health concerns
Sleep
Personal judgments
Personal expectations
What others might think of you
What you think of yourself
Feeling like you’re not good enough
Feelings
Weight
Health problems
What's happening in your body?
What body signals did you have? What issues caused you the most stress to think about? Do you have other triggers that are not on the list?
Again, it's super important that we recognize our triggers so we can AVOID them or PREPARE for them. Some things we just cannot avoid, so we have to come up with a plan and some coping skills that are ready to go when we face our triggers.
A simple example is me at my new job. I found that I was uncomfortably anxious just being at work. My face always was red and felt like it was going to pop. I had a constant stomachache and was getting headaches all the time. I didn't know the people, I didn't know how to do the work. I was anxious because I did not want to make a mistake, and I did not want people to be mad at me. I prepared a few different ways to cope - I identified people that I was more comfortable with and reminded myself I would be working with them. I planned to stick a little close to them when I could. I hate making mistakes. I bought a tiny notebook and wrote down everything I learned from my mistakes. I tallied the numbers of patient interactions that went smoothly. I wear rings to work to give my hands something to do when I'm stressed instead of picking my fingers to a nub. I go to the bathroom when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I tell myself I'm doing my best, and that people being mad at me does not affect my worth as a person. I've done a few more things, but I think you get the idea!
It helps. Some tactics work better than others. I still feel anxious and stressed and overwhelmed almost every shift. But I know that work is a huge trigger and I mostly know why. So I have prepared, so I KNOW that the anxiety is not going to control me. We duke it out, me and anxiety, but I always win :)
Go through the list again, write down your 3 biggest triggers and why, and for each come up with a small strategy to try when you have to face that trigger.
Does your mom always call and chew you out for stuff and it makes you stressed? Plan to think of a fun trip or doodle next time she calls. Plan how you are going to react (in a way that won't make you feel guilty afterward...).
Going to a party and you have social anxiety? Give yourself an "out" or a time limit. Think about the people there that you like and are more comfortable with. Plan to find the bathroom as soon as you get there so you have a place to hide if needed.
Not everything you try is going to help, but some of it will. You may even find that the situation wasn't as bad as you expected and you didn't even need to use the plan!
If you want to read part one or two of the anxiety posts, here they are:
Part 1: Dealing with Anxiety (Without Medication)
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/managing-anxiety.html
Part 2: Body Signals
http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/02/managing-anxiety-body-signals.html
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Dealing with Anxiety and Stress (part 2): Body Signals
Recognize when you’re feeling anxious: SIGNALS
Sometimes it feels like all you're doing is sitting there, work, school, home, bumming around minding your own business, and then WHAM! You're stressed out, panicky, anxious. Or you lay down in bed and suddenly everything you've ever done wrong is hanging over you, weighing on you, suffocating you. This happened to me a lot when I was younger. It occasionally still catches me by surprise, especially lately since I started my new job.
The truth is, though, that intense anxiety hardly ever comes on suddenly. Little things build up, but we just don't notice. Our thoughts and bodies are connected, and if you pay attention you'll find that there are usually things leading up to the panic attack or the overwhelming anxiety.
For example, maybe you're at work and it's really busy. Your adrenaline is already going and your body is probably more tense than if it were slow. Then somebody snaps at you, or makes a critical comment about what you are doing. You have a thought, either "Oh man why can't I just do things right for once", or maybe "That guy is such a jerk, what did I do to deserve that??" You feel a pounding in your head and your face flush. You don't necessarily think these things consciously, but in the back of your mind these things register and start a pile. Then maybe you make a mistake on a project you're working on. You think "Oh my gosh I screwed that up, now what? Am I going to get in trouble? Am I going to be able to fix this?" Your stomach rolls and your back tenses. The mistake doesn't cause any immediate issue, so you relax a little, but the worry is still there, added to your subconscious anxiety pile. Then you remember you forgot your lunch this morning, or you can't forget to go to the store after work, or you promised a friend you would call them and you forgot last time so you absolutely have to remember now. It gets harder to breathe for a minute. Another few things are added to the anxiety pile. Now you're irritable, snapping at people - one wrong look from somebody and you're gonna lose it.
Since you're busy focusing on your work, you don't really notice these things building up. However, your body sure does! At some point it decides it can't take any more. You "snap", or you become buried in feelings of worry and panic, probably mixed in with self-doubt and -criticism.
When we don't pay attention to our bodies, it's easy to feel like we are hit with a load of bricks all at once, when in reality the anxiety pile has been growing little by little and we just don't notice until it finally crumbles into a meltdown.
Occasionally anxiety really can come on all of a sudden (for example, someone scares us, we realize we are late for an important appointment we forgot about), but usually it's because we don't know how to watch out for it or we are distracted and aren't paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and body.
I've noticed that one of my first signals of anxiety is my stomach hurting. When I realize I've made a mistake or something is "wrong", my stomach rolls and its feels like someone's reached into my gut, grabbed my stomach and is just squeezing it. At this point, I usually don't need to DO anything, but I know I better watch myself closely.
It's so important that we can pay attention to our bodies and get some of the stress out while it's still a little pile and we can manage it. Catch it early!! I would always make the teenagers I taught repeat that until they were annoyed (which didn't take long), but seriously, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Your body gives you signals about your emotions. Our bodies usually register that we're stressed sooner than our minds do.
This is a list of common body signals of anxiety. Any of them sound familiar?
How many of these do you have? Which ones happen the most often? What signals do you have that are not on the list? My most common are my stomach hurting, tense shoulders, picking fingers, racing thoughts, jaw clenching and jitters when I start getting out of control.
Sometimes it feels like all you're doing is sitting there, work, school, home, bumming around minding your own business, and then WHAM! You're stressed out, panicky, anxious. Or you lay down in bed and suddenly everything you've ever done wrong is hanging over you, weighing on you, suffocating you. This happened to me a lot when I was younger. It occasionally still catches me by surprise, especially lately since I started my new job.
The truth is, though, that intense anxiety hardly ever comes on suddenly. Little things build up, but we just don't notice. Our thoughts and bodies are connected, and if you pay attention you'll find that there are usually things leading up to the panic attack or the overwhelming anxiety.
For example, maybe you're at work and it's really busy. Your adrenaline is already going and your body is probably more tense than if it were slow. Then somebody snaps at you, or makes a critical comment about what you are doing. You have a thought, either "Oh man why can't I just do things right for once", or maybe "That guy is such a jerk, what did I do to deserve that??" You feel a pounding in your head and your face flush. You don't necessarily think these things consciously, but in the back of your mind these things register and start a pile. Then maybe you make a mistake on a project you're working on. You think "Oh my gosh I screwed that up, now what? Am I going to get in trouble? Am I going to be able to fix this?" Your stomach rolls and your back tenses. The mistake doesn't cause any immediate issue, so you relax a little, but the worry is still there, added to your subconscious anxiety pile. Then you remember you forgot your lunch this morning, or you can't forget to go to the store after work, or you promised a friend you would call them and you forgot last time so you absolutely have to remember now. It gets harder to breathe for a minute. Another few things are added to the anxiety pile. Now you're irritable, snapping at people - one wrong look from somebody and you're gonna lose it.
Since you're busy focusing on your work, you don't really notice these things building up. However, your body sure does! At some point it decides it can't take any more. You "snap", or you become buried in feelings of worry and panic, probably mixed in with self-doubt and -criticism.
When we don't pay attention to our bodies, it's easy to feel like we are hit with a load of bricks all at once, when in reality the anxiety pile has been growing little by little and we just don't notice until it finally crumbles into a meltdown.
Occasionally anxiety really can come on all of a sudden (for example, someone scares us, we realize we are late for an important appointment we forgot about), but usually it's because we don't know how to watch out for it or we are distracted and aren't paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and body.
I've noticed that one of my first signals of anxiety is my stomach hurting. When I realize I've made a mistake or something is "wrong", my stomach rolls and its feels like someone's reached into my gut, grabbed my stomach and is just squeezing it. At this point, I usually don't need to DO anything, but I know I better watch myself closely.
It's so important that we can pay attention to our bodies and get some of the stress out while it's still a little pile and we can manage it. Catch it early!! I would always make the teenagers I taught repeat that until they were annoyed (which didn't take long), but seriously, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Your body gives you signals about your emotions. Our bodies usually register that we're stressed sooner than our minds do.
This is a list of common body signals of anxiety. Any of them sound familiar?
Racing heart
Racing thoughts
Muscle tension in: shoulders, back, arms, neck, face
Jaw clenching
Picking fingers
Biting nails
Breathing hard
Breathing fast
Holding breath
Sweating
Sweaty hands
Jitters, shaking
Stomachache
Lump in the throat
How many of these do you have? Which ones happen the most often? What signals do you have that are not on the list? My most common are my stomach hurting, tense shoulders, picking fingers, racing thoughts, jaw clenching and jitters when I start getting out of control.
So you know what some of your body signals are, now what?
Notice them.
Notice them.
What's happening in your body right now?
***STOP AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY RIGHT NOW***
Any signals of anxiety? If so, counteract it.
Holding your breath? Take a deep breath in and out.
Tight shoulders? Stretch your arms up over your head and in front of you.
Heart pounding? Stand up and walk somewhere, the bathroom or something, and burn off a little of that anxious energy.
When we know our body signals, we can keep our anxiety piles smaller and under control. Now someone criticizes you, and you feel your head pounding and your face flush. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of letting it stay there in your pile, you, for example, take a deep breath and look at a picture of your dog on your desk or phone and are reminded that SOMEBODY believes in you ;) When you make a mistake, you freeze and feel your stomach roll. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of holding it in and letting it build up, this time you recognize it and let it out. You stand up and go to the bathroom to calm down, or vent to a coworker you know will understand. (I can't tell you how many times I go to the bathroom sometimes...it's usually not to pee tbh)
This isn't a cure-all, and it can take a little while to get the hang of paying attention to yourself. But it can really help you to CATCH IT EARLY!!! And keep it under control.
Again, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Go about your day and see if you can catch any of your body signals happening. Here's the list again:
***STOP AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY RIGHT NOW***
Any signals of anxiety? If so, counteract it.
Holding your breath? Take a deep breath in and out.
Tight shoulders? Stretch your arms up over your head and in front of you.
Heart pounding? Stand up and walk somewhere, the bathroom or something, and burn off a little of that anxious energy.
When we know our body signals, we can keep our anxiety piles smaller and under control. Now someone criticizes you, and you feel your head pounding and your face flush. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of letting it stay there in your pile, you, for example, take a deep breath and look at a picture of your dog on your desk or phone and are reminded that SOMEBODY believes in you ;) When you make a mistake, you freeze and feel your stomach roll. You notice it this time, it's a signal. Instead of holding it in and letting it build up, this time you recognize it and let it out. You stand up and go to the bathroom to calm down, or vent to a coworker you know will understand. (I can't tell you how many times I go to the bathroom sometimes...it's usually not to pee tbh)
This isn't a cure-all, and it can take a little while to get the hang of paying attention to yourself. But it can really help you to CATCH IT EARLY!!! And keep it under control.
Again, CATCH IT EARLY!!!
Go about your day and see if you can catch any of your body signals happening. Here's the list again:
Racing heart
Racing thoughts
Muscle tension in: shoulders, back, arms, neck, face
Jaw clenching
Picking fingers
Biting nails
Breathing hard
Breathing fast
Holding breath
Sweating
Sweaty hands
Jitters, shaking
Stomachache
Lump in the throat
If you missed the first part of this short series of posts, you can read it at http://operationhappygirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/managing-anxiety.html
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